SpicesPlace

Hurray for Church Camp!

2009-08-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I had the honor of being the one who got to pick Ethan up from church camp. I was excited to see him and hear about his week. This was the first time in his 4 years of church camp that Danny did not go with him, and I was anxious to see how he got along. When I arrived at camp, the first person I spoke to was the nurse. Handing me my shoebox of supplies for Ethan she said, he did really well. We only had 2 highs and one low (this referring to the stability of his blood sugars.) I was so pleased, he did it! We were pleasantly surprised when we only received two phone calls from camp all week!

When Ethan arrived, he was happy to see me, I got a big hug, followed by an immediate "Mom! You have to meet all my friends." I was then introduced to several girls, all of them very polite and some, of course, were teary eyed..goodbyes at camp are not easy! Ethan spent the next half hour or so saying his goodbyes, and then we were off to A & W. The traditional you must go there after camp for lunch or you are a big loser spot. It is fun, a joyous time, celebrating a week of church camp over root beer floats.

On the way home, Ethan told me all about camp. That only was worth the three hour round trip drive, having my 12 year old son talk to me, without any interuptions. He told me about the silly family group names, and the games they played. I asked him what he did at quiet time he said he didn't swim, he just walked around with his friend Taylor. One day the spent their whole time talking at the creek. Ethan also told me how much he loved the dance! I also asked him Ethan, didn't you make friends with any of the boys at camp? No, just the girls, it's my hair mom, they all loved my hair. Ah..welcome to puberty!

He told me about the speaker Jay and how much he learned from his keynotes. He also told me about the "camp drama" (you can't have camp without drama). He told me about the boys that his friends who were the girls, all liked.How they cried a lot during the week over them. He said at times it made him sad, because they were his friends and he didn't like to see them sad. Like his mom, he wears his heart on his sleeve tht one! Ethan told me that his week was emotional and interesting, and that he was not the same person that was dropped off at camp last Sunday. Amen. Praise God for church camp!

New Things...

2009-07-30T23:29:00.000-07:00

This week while Danny is away in Indiana at our church's General Assembly, the boys and I are at home. Finances did not allow all of us to go to Indiana, which was a great disappointment to Ethan, who has always wanted to visit his birth state, and to me, as I have several very dear friends that live there, that I never get to see. So while Danny is off worshiping, mingling, and getting to see all of our long lost friends, the boys and I are holding down the fort at home.

It has been quite a busy week. During the day, Ethan is at an aquatics camp, which is at a small beach on the bay side of Long Beach. The first day, was not a very successful one. He was taken out with a small group of kids on a short sailboat ride, he became very nervous, when the kids thought it would be fun to rock the boat. Seeing his fear, the counselor stopped the other kids fun, and of course, this made Ethan the least popular kid in camp. Discouraged, he came home and told me he would not, could not, go back. I told him, there was no other option. I had to work, and dad was not home. Dragging his feet, he reluctantly went back on Tuesday. I did worry about him, but I hoped for the best. Ethan does not adjust to change well, trying new things, especially things that he is unsure about are very challenging for him. He gets anxious easily, which is hard for kids and adults to understand.

When I picked Ethan up that afternoon, he had a huge grin on his face. He told me all about his swim lesson and how much better he is getting at swimming. He tried kayaking for the first time and loved it, and he found someone to hang out with. I was so proud of him. On Wednesday, he tried long boarding, and today, when they visited the ocean beach, he went boggie boarding for the first time, and swam out in the deep part of the ocean with his counselors. He told me, at first the long board was hard, and I just held onto the board and didn't do anything. Then I tried paddling my arms, and I liked it. It was fun! I am not sure what is in store for tomorrow, but I know with confidence, whatever it is, Ethan will face it head on, with grin on his face.

I guess turning 12 is a good thing!

Tristan..future Golf Pro.

2009-06-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

A Gold Medal for another great season in Long Beach Golf Little League

On the putting green at Trump National Golf Course, Palos Verdes CA

A Trump National Golf Ball, for his collection.
No, he did not golf a round here today, we just walked around and took in the incredible views. A round of golf costs $400. Maybe when he's a pro it won't be such a big deal!

I Scream for Ice Cream

2009-06-15T22:46:00.000-07:00

HAPPY SUMMER! The boys and their friends enjoy the first taste of summer..Ice Cream from the Ice Cream Man!

to boldly go...

2009-06-13T09:26:00.000-07:00

This morning Tristan was sitting on the edge of my bed eating his cereal. I said to him. "Tristan, Eat that at the table please." He said "Why?" I said, because you might spill it. He said "There is a 2% chance that will happen. A 98% chance that it wont." He kept eating his cereal on the edge of my bed. What do you say to that?

Then after I got myself ready for the day, I came into the living room, where Tristan was on the computer. He was watching original Star Trek episodes on You Tube..quoting the entire beginning spiel..to boldly go where no man has gone before..

He is such an amazing kid, with an old soul. He loves Steamboat Willie, old Tom and Jerry and the Little Rascals. I often wonder what he will be when he grows up. I know this for sure, he will always keep the world guessing.

End of the school year thoughts...

2009-06-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

It is the end of the school year. I can't believe how time has flown by. Ethan and I survived (barely) his first year of middle school. Tristan flew through 3rd grade with A pluses and is bummed that summer is here. Next fall, Tristan will be in the 4the grade, and will start the GATE (Gifted and Talented Education) program. I am thrilled, it will be the first time in his entire schooling career that he will be challenged. He is bummed that he will have to change schools AGAIN. It will be his
5Th elementary school, but I told him..it will be the first time you get to attend the same school for 2 years :) we have no plans for change until after 5Th grade.

Tristan was asked to represent his elementary school at the district science fair this past month. We had a great time, walking around and looking at the other exhibits, and getting ideas for next year. Science is one of his favorite subjects, I hope the joy of science continues to grow for him. He also earned his Bear badge in cub scouting, and golfed in the Long Beach Golf Little League for 2 seasons. I think in the fall he will be able to move up from the Mini's to league play!

Ethan was in the 6Th grade boys chorus at school this year. His chorus teacher is an amazing man, who taught Ethan far more than how to sing. He earned his Scout rank in boy scouting and tonight was presented with his first ever merit badge "Disability Awareness."

I fell in love with my students this year, and last Friday we had a graduation ceremony for 9 of them. They will be moving up to Kindergarten in the fall. I will miss them this summer, it has been an incredible, rewarding experience watching them grow. The little girl who didn't say a word until after Christmas, is now working on learning how to read, and rambles in paragraphs. The little boy who was so angry and butt his head on everything and everyone, now gives me hugs daily and sits through circle time. Small miracles in our world of special education.

I finished my first semester of graduate school, with a 4.0! I am taking one course this summer, and 4 in the fall. My 20Th high school reunion is this summer, has it really been that long? I have had a blast finding old friends on face book..can't wait to see them in person!

We had an amazing year at Disneyland..having year round passes was a dream come true..I am ready for a break though, and we are looking forward to exploring other places in the L.A. area!

I am blessed beyond words, my boys are growing up, we have a loving church family, and I have finally found my true calling in life! I love working with Autistic children..they amaze me everyday.

tuxedo twins

2009-05-06T23:26:00.000-07:00

Tristan was the Ring Bearer for his Aunt Peggy and Uncle Tim's Wedding..he was so proud!

Good Morning..

2009-01-16T16:32:00.000-08:00

One of the little boys in my class said "Good Morning Ms. Ginger." to me today. He has only been talking since November. I cried. My job is a gift and a joy.

Champions

2009-01-14T22:09:00.000-08:00

Taking advantage of the warm weather, we decided to take the kids in my preschool class outside today for some extra play. Our Pre-K children with autism class is located on a traditional public school campus, where our program is well supported by everyone on campus. We wanted to have the kids run races on pre-painted lines located on the playground, which are there to help with physical fitness testing. Two of the teachers I work with took a roll of blue paper streamer and held it across the line area, about half way to the end of the track. The other teachers and I lined the kids up at the other end and began explaining what we were going to do. Then, the most amazing thing happened.

About a dozen of the kids that were playing on the playground came over, sat down next to the track area and began cheering, LET'S GO PRESCHOOL, LETS GO! Our kids got excited, they smiled, and giggled and those that could, clapped. We ran the first race with the kids on the sidelines cheering and waving. Our kids felt like champions. Seeing the excitement going on in our corner of the playground, more kids began to come over. One teacher organized the older kids to be our helpers, they each took a hand of one of our students and got ready to run with them. Then we raced again, laughing and giggling and cheering. We ran a few more races, and then the bell rang. Reluctantly, the older kids went to line up with their classes to head back inside. Our kids left the playground with their heads held high, smiles on their faces, knowing that they were indeed champions. I was amazed by the kindness in the older kids, that they took it upon themselves to participate with us. I think the older kids were hero's this day, they have no idea how much their random act of kindness meant.

I laughed, I cried, it was a good time.

2009-01-08T13:09:00.001-08:00

I went with my friend Angela to see Marley and Me yesterday. I had read the book, so I knew the ending..the dog dies. Still, I had not prepared myself for the tears that flowed as I watched the movie. I did laugh quite a bit as well, but towards the end..well it's a tear jerker. Angela cried too, she was happy to have another sensitive soul to share the movie with, she told me she is usually the only one that cries. We did have a fun time, as she said, we laughed, we cried, it was good. I think a good cry is an important part of life. When I got home, I took my dog for a walk. I don't think I will take her for granted anymore, she is a wonderful amazing dog, and is such part of our family, I don't know what I would do without her.

The Mouse on Main Street

2008-12-13T21:35:00.000-08:00

Last night we took a trip to Disneyland to see the Christmas lights and see the "snow" fall once again. It is amazing how beautiful the park is at Christmastime. The Christmas trees, the castle covered in snow and white twinkling lights. The lights and garlands that grace New Orleans square are exquisite. I never grow tired of going to Disneyland. No matter how many times I step through the gates there is always something magical to experience. Even though yesterday was a bit frustrating, the lines seemed exponentially long, from the moment we arrived, but putting that aside, it was a wonderful evening. The boys loved spending time with Aunt Peggy and Uncle Tim in the park, and seeing small world all aglow with Christmas color.

At 10:00, Tristan fell asleep on Small World, I decided to take him to the car, and let Danny and Ethan ride Big Thunder before heading home. As we walked down Main Street, we passed the movie theater where they show the old black and white Mickey Mouse cartoons. Tristan wanted to stop and watch his favorite, Steamboat Willie. I am not sure how Tristan came to enjoy these old cartoons, but he adores them. He laughs at all the funny scenes, and loves to watch the slapstick humor in many of them. Watching the movies with him, I was thankful that he enjoyed them.I thought, in this day and age where many TV cartoons and movies are filled with computer animation, violence and greedy characters, Tristan enjoys watching the old classics. Yes, he still likes to watch those other shows sometimes, but his favorite is good ole Mickey Mouse, with his silly antics and funny giggle. I am amazed that after 80 years the mouse still can entertain, I am not sure that 80 years from now, there are any characters from today's cartoons, that will be filling those big black shoes.

Obama Wins

2008-11-06T12:46:00.000-08:00

Tuesday Morning, Ethan asked if I wait to vote after I picked him up from school, he wanted to come with me. So I waited, when I picked him up from school, he was so happy to get to come to vote with me. He had even made some Obama for President posters that he wanted to take with him. I had to explain to him that we couldn't do that, but he could hang them up at home. Hearing all the reports on the news, I expected a long line ahead of me, actually I was the only one in the room to vote, it felt a little odd, but Ethan was excited, he even got an extra "I voted" sticker.

The other issue that Ethan has been passionate about is Prop.8, if it passes, Gay marriages will again be illegal in California.(sigh, a huge step backwards) He was quite concerned about this, since his 2 grandma's just got married. What will happen? What will it mean? Will they not be married anymore? I told him I just didn't know,we had to hope it didn't pass. When it got time for me to push the button on Prop. 8, I let Ethan do it. He was so proud! He also insisted that we go home right away, so he could do his homework and turn the TV on at 4:00 to watch the election stuff. Okay, I said, but it may be 9:00 at night before we know who wins. That's was okay with Ethan, he wanted to see how the other states voted. He even kept at list of all the states, and which ones went to Obama and which ones went to McCain. We told him, a lot of blue on the map is good, we don't want red. The more blue the better. Ethan actually was very involved in this process, and at 8:05 pm, when Obama was announced the winner, we had a party. The boys ran around the house, cheering that Obama had won. They threw some popcorn (I didn't have any confetti) waved the posters Ethan made and were very happy.

When Obama was making his speech, the boys were already in bed, but I knew this was an important day, so I got them back up. Tristan curled up with me in my chair, and watched the entire speech, he was mesmerised, so was Ethan. The next day, Tristan came home with an assignment he had made in class, he had drawn people shouting Yes we Can! standing on top of a wall that said Obama is President. I was amazed at how much he took in from Obama's speech, he too was listening. I can't wait to see what our country is going to be like with Obama as president, the boys and I will be watching.

Seeing the World Clearly

2008-11-04T14:26:00.000-08:00

Tristan got his first pair of glasses yesterday. He has been complaining of headaches, and we noticed him squinting a lot so we took him to the Doctor. to have his eyes examined. When we went to pick up the glasses, and he put them on, he said "The World is so much clearer!" He was so happy. On the way home, Tristan read all of the street signs, he was so excited that he could see them. When we got home, he ran down the street to show his friend his new glasses. I was relieved to see him so happy! Sometimes new things like glasses upset kids, because they don't want to look different, or be made fun of. Tristan did not seem to be worried about that, he was just overjoyed he could see everything so clearly again. He even told me, I have 3 friends at school who have glasses, now I will look just like them. I am grateful for his positive attitude. Before I went to bed, I began thinking about how easy it was for us to provide Tristan with the glasses he needed. We went to the Dr., went to the eye glass store, and got them within 3 days. People in other countries are not so lucky. They may never get the glasses they need, or have the chance to see an eye doctor, they may live their whole lives, without ever seeing things clearly. I tried to think what that would be like, to live where everything was out of focus or blurry all the time, how difficult that must be. I am grateful that we live where we do, that we can provide our children and ourselves with the glasses we need to see the world clearly and in focus.

Coming Home

2008-10-15T13:21:00.000-07:00

I finally started my new job. It is absolutely amazing to me how God works. I was hired to be a para educator (teacher's assistant) for the RSP teacher at a local elementary school about 15 minutes from my home. RSP is the Reading Resource Specialists, so I was going to help tutor students in small groups and one on one with their reading and language arts skills.

On my first day, I arrived at school in a skirt and low heeled sandals, thinking wow, I can actually dress up for work! How fun, In the past I have always worn jeans and tennis shoes, because when you are chasing kids, and playing with them on the floor all day, this is the best thing to wear.

When I met with the Principal, he asked me a few questions about my background, and then offered me another position that was available at the school. Would you be willing to work in the Pre-K children with autism class? YES I replied, absolutely. Apparently, one of the teacher's aide's that has been working in that room, had a recent arm injury and is unable to be with the children anymore. She had been placed in the RSP class, and they wanted me to take her place.

Walking into the classroom was like coming home. The classroom is so well organized, and the teacher is amazing. She is incredible. Truly she has the gift to be teaching these children. I felt a warm welcome from the other assistants, they made me feel a part of their team almost instantly. The children are so special, bright, caring, loving, active and creative. I am so blessed to be a part of this team of teachers.

So, I don't mind dressing in jeans and tennis shoes again. Truly, God had a plan and a purpose for me, I know I am where I belong. Why would all these doors open up for me to be working with children with Autism again. Out of all the teacher assistant positions available in the district, this in the one that falls in my lap. I know in my heart that this is my calling. In responding to this call, I have applied for the teaching credential program at Long Beach State for the Spring semester. I pray and hope that I am able to return to school and get my credential!

middle school PE..a journey

2008-10-07T21:16:00.000-07:00

The other day I picked Ethan up from school..I asked the usual question.

How was your day?

Okay. I hate PE (yup. I did too)

I can't catch the basketball right and I hurt my finger trying, and nobody wants me on their team because I can't catch. When I get put on a team, all the kids moan and say not you.

(yup. me too. wonderful childhood memories, PE, I fondly called Physical Education testing Torture testing. I would beg my mom not to make me go to school, at least take me to school AFTER PE PLEASE! she never did, I had to endure, a part of growing up..)

(Tears spring to my eyes, as I remember my childhood. The days of being picked last, ALWAYS. Being teased incisively, because I too was uncoordinated. I couldn't catch. throw or run. I have no athletic skills what so ever. In high school I did figure out that I was a pretty okay swimmer. I swam on the swim team for 2 years. I was not the best, nor the fastest, but I tried hard, got in shape and had a whole lot of fun..Maybe Ethan will find something like that..)

Ethan, I know. All I can say to you is I relate. PE sucks. It is awful. I wish there was something I could do to take it away, but you just have to go. At least you have PE first period, and you get it out of the way, then you have Chorus, your favorite class..just think of that.

Yeah, I guess. But I still hate PE.

Yeah, I know buddy, I know.

Another wonderful milestone in the age of our middle school life..the survival of PE

It truly does suck. I still hate PE. I pray that God grants me the wisdom and understanding to get through this one...

The miracle set of golf clubs

2008-09-28T19:16:00.000-07:00

Tristan started golfing yesterday. He is now an official member of the Long Beach Golf Little League. He is on the tigers, in the mini league, which in baseball terms would be tee ball. I have been quite impressed with everyone involved in this program, I think it is going to be a great experience for Tristan. Yesterday he golfed 3 holes, on a 9 hole course. He was out on the course for 2 hours. He came back hot, tired and happy. I was so proud of him for trying his best, and sticking with it. By the end of the 8 week season, the goal is to have the team golf 9 holes, I'm sure they will get there!

Before the first match, we went to a "tryout" they spent about 20 minutes with Tristan, trying to see what team, level and coach would be best for him. They told me that Tristan's clubs were too big for him, and that he would need a smaller set. So, I began looking for one. I called several 2Nd hand sports stores, to see if I could trade in the too big set, for a smaller one. The stores either had no smaller sets, or did not carry golf equipment.

Saturday morning rolled around, and we still did not have a smaller set of clubs. Opening Ceremonies were at 1 pm, so I decided we would head to the sporting goods store on our way, and take the plunge and buy a new set. I wanted to leave at 11:30 to give us enough time. Due to whining, arguing, lost shoes and socks, we did not make it to the car until 11:45. Walking into the store, I was a little frazzled and frantically trying to compute numbers in my head to see If I actually had enough to spend on the golf clubs. It would be tight, but I figured out I had enough. While I was waiting for someone to help me, a gentleman walked up to me and said. He plays in Long Beach Golf Little League? (Tristan had his uniform on) My name is Sean, and I am the coach for the Knights, nice to meet you. I told him why I was there, and he said. I have this exact set at home, my younger son just outgrew them, we had to buy him a new set this season. I will sell them to you for $20. I'll bring them to the match for you. Really? Wow. Thank you so much. You have no idea how wonderful this is!

Now Tristan has a very nice set of used golf clubs that are just the right size. I have $90 more than I thought I would and I am still amazed at running into Sean at just the right time. If we would have left at 11:30 we would have missed him in the store. What if he hadn't of thought to stop to talk to me? God works in funny ways sometimes, sending us little joys and blessings. We found ours this week, in the miracle set of golf clubs, that are just the right size.

I sing in the choir...

2008-09-14T13:23:00.000-07:00

I have joined the choir at church. Anyone who knows me, knows that this is a pretty crazy idea. I do not have an amazing, crystal clear, on tune voice. The most practice I have had for a solo performance is singing to a class of preschoolers Slippery Fish. Danny has a wonderful voice, and Ethan loves to sing, and has recently joined the school chorus. He loves acting, and musicals are his favorite, so he looks at chorus as good training for the future. My sister has an amazing voice, but me, not really.

I joined the choir over the summer, I happened to walk into the sanctuary before church one Sunday because it was the only building that had the air conditioner on. Since it was June, many of the choir members were on vacation and they were short singers. Ginger, come sing with us, we're short voices today. Here, take a hymn book. Okay, I said, but I am not very good. That's okay, it's fun. Once they found out I was an Alto, it was all over. The choir has twice as many sopranos as altos.

So I go to choir practice, and I sing, sometimes on key, and I listen to the ladies on either side of me, who indeed have amazing voices, and I try to catch on when the choir director talks in musical terms. I remember some things from Jr. High Choir. Sometimes I feel like the nuns in sister act. I am the shy quiet nun, who tries to hide in the back of the choir and sort of sing. There is a singer in the soprano section that to me sounds like the nun with the high, soprano, energetic voice.

Today was the choir's first Sunday singing an anthem since the summer ended. I think we did pretty well. We wore our robes, which we do once a month. After church, one lady said to me, Ginger it was wonderful seeing you up there with the choir, good for you. Well, I said, I don't sing all that well, but I am trying. That's okay, the bible tells us to make a joyful noise! Indeed I do, with a glad and happy heart, because the choir is really a fun and cool place to be, and they don't mind if I sometimes sing off key.

School Update...

2008-09-07T22:15:00.000-07:00

So far we are surviving our new schools. Middle School seems to be going okay, Ethan did make it into the boys chorus at school, and is very excited about that. One boy, Seth, has 4 of the same classes as Ethan, which is fun. He also met another friend in the nurses office on the first day of school, he was there to check his blood sugar and get his insulin shot too. They now have lunch together everyday, I am thriled that Ethan has a friend with diabetes. It is his first one, and his first time going to a school where he wasn't the only kid with diabetes. I think we are off to a good start. The only complaint Ethan has is his science teacher. I can't get any other explaination out of him, other than. He's just mean mom. Guess we will find out on Back to School night. We are now calling him Professor Snape. Ethan has a good attitude about it though, he said, well, at least it is middle school, and I only have to put up with him for one class. If it was another school, and I had him all day, I would ask you to transfer me!

Tristan is doing well also. He is in the same class as his friend James from church, and those boys couldn't be happier. The first day the teacher let the kids sit where they wanted. The next day, James and Tristan were on opposite sides of the room. DUH! I love Tristan's little school, it is great. We love walking to and from school everyday, and his teacher is great.

Right now, I am not working. I am looking for a job closer to home, so I am enjoying my days at home, being able to clean, run errands, organize, and pick the boys up from school..I know I will want to go back to work soon, but for now, this is good.

The Lilly Belle..

2008-08-28T21:28:00.001-07:00

Danny and I just celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary, I can not believe that it has been that long since we took our wedding vows. I can not say that all 15 years have been perfect and easy, they have not. We have experienced life's changes, many up and downs, and many, many joys. To celebrate our 15 years of being married, we went to Disneyland! I know, we go all the time...but this trip was wonderful! It was a joy to walk through Disneyland and not be rushed, we got to do all sorts of things we never do, like have 2 wonderful sit down meals, one with a glass of wine! We sat and listened to the bands, looked at the windows on main street, and we went on a 3 1/2 our tour, called Walk in Walt's footsteps, which was just amazing. It was a wonderful look at the history of Disneyland, we learned some hidden secrets, and had a great time! Another highlight of our trip was getting to ride in the Lilly Belle, a restored railroad car that Walt Disney used for dignitaries and presidents when they came to Disneyland. It truly is a beautiful car, and we shared our train ride with another anniversary couple, who were celebrating their 31st. We had a great time, and enjoyed our time away :) The boys had a grand visit with MaryAnn their favorite babysitter from EN..where we used to live. She even took them to Disneyland one day. We were all sad to see her go this morning, she is a blessing to us!

So now it is time to get ready for school..Ethan and I went to the 6th grade orientation today, I know we were both a little nervous. Ethan got to experience a "mini" day, where he went to each class for 7 minutes, and rotated around the campus. He met a boy named Michael, who has 3 classes with him, and I met a new mom! We spent much of our morning chatting about our boys, and found out they have a lot in common, so we are hoping to get together with them before school starts, so they will at least have one familiar face on campus the first day of school. I bought Ethan a gym uniform, and walked around the campus a little myself. It actually isn't too big, and I was very impressed with the principal and their policy on teaching students to be respectful, and her zero tolerance on bullying. Being the parent of a small boy, who loves music and drama, and dislikes any and all sports, bullying is at the top of my list of fears! Ethan will be able to be in the chours, which we are both thrilled about. We met the chorus teacher today, and they have an all boys choir..Ethan can't wait. I think, that with lots of prayers, we may survive this.
On the way home, Ethan said, you know mom, the first day of school is going to be okay, I will just do what I did today, except I will be in class for a hour, I'm not as nervous now, and my English teacher made me laugh today. And so the middle school adventure begins!

my drive to work...

2008-08-15T00:16:00.000-07:00

I have about a 30 minute commute to work, some days, depending on traffic, it can be 40. My commute to work is actually pretty amazing. There are small parts of it on the freeway, where I am sitting in bumper to bumper traffic, mostly I am traveling on city streets. My commute takes me past the worlds busiest port. I cross over 2 bridges, as the bustling activity is below me. Six story cranes, thousands and thousands of storage crates, huge barges and semi trucks fill the water, streets and docks below me. Tristan fondly calls this part of the drive, the giraffes. He asked me one day how many containers could fit on one boat. I told him, I did not know..but that would be neat to find out. Once I cross the bridges, I travel through the streets of San Pedro, where many of the people that work in the port live, it is a typical middle class city, with fast food restaurants on every corner.

There is a point in my commute, where I have "crossed over" to The HILL. Which is what locals call Rancho Palos Verdes, the city where I work. I know the second I have arrived. The street signs are different, the road is smoother, and the view is incredible. The ocean and cliffs are beyond amazing, it is a view and scenery I can not begin to describe. I pass the Wayfarers Chapel, a gorgeous chapel perched on the side of a cliff, (one day I am going to stop there and look around) The Trump National Golf Course, which I am told was built on protected land, and the some of the locals cheered when the 9Th hole fell into the ocean during construction. The Golf course, of course is amazing. Then I pass the area where when Danny was a boy was Marineland, a much smaller version of Sea World. Today, a huge condo resort is being built there. A sign outside the property says..homes available now, starting from the low 2 millions. The low 2 millions? WOW.

It is hard for me to absorb all of this beauty sometimes, the beauty of the ocean, and the cliffs combined with the construction of places to entertain the elite of the elite that live in the area. It is an amazing commute. Danny says I am crazy, that I need to find a job closer to home, but everyday, when I cross over the crest of the hill, and see that view of the ocean before me, I still overcome with emotion, of how amazing God is, and how lucky I am to work in such a beautiful place. I just hope that the construction along the shoreline..does not hinder the beauty of this marvelous place.

change

2008-08-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

Today I found out that the two teachers I work with at school are leaving. One is headed to graduate school at ASU and the other found a full time teaching job closer to her home, for more money. I am happy for both of them, but sad for me. They are a huge part of why I love my job. I feel like we are finally a team, and things are going great, and now my team is leaving. Ah, yet another change in my life. It seemed like my life was just settling down, and now the tides are turning again. I am hoping the new teachers are just as wonderful..

The past month..

2008-07-24T22:44:00.000-07:00

I can finally blog. Today we received two gifts. One was our new washer and dryer, which was delivered and installed by the man from Sears. Gift two was the man who came from the cable company to install our Internet service. So I am now sitting at my desk, listening to the thump, thump, of the dryer and writing.

The past month has been crazy for us, we've moved, set up house, Tristan turned 7, went to church camp for the first time, and lost another tooth. He is also attending cub scout day camp this week, and today he passed his swimming test. Ethan is turning 11 on Saturday, spent an amazing week at Diabetes camp, and is headed to church camp with Danny on Sunday.

We have visited Disneyland, gone to a concert in the park near our new home. I have found a wonderful thrift store on my way to work, and I went to go see Mama Mia with Peggy. We absolutely loved it, the next day we went to Target and both bought the soundtrack.

I finally have my own class at work, for the past month I have been a "floater" and worked wherever I was needed. This week I was given a class roster, and age benchmarks for my class, the 3's. I am very excited to be there, it is still an amazing place and community to teach in. This week we took a field trip to the Long Beach Aquarium, and it was tiring, but also a joy to see the kids explore and get excited at each and every tank. One little girl loved the octopus, she was fascinated watching it move and swim.

Our Madi came and stayed with us for a week, and it was a joy and blessing to have her here..I hated to see her go, it reminded me of our old house, that was always full of "the big kids" whom I miss dearly. Although, I have to admit, the quiet house at times is nice!

So there is my update, I hope to write something more profound soon..

practially perfect in everyway.

2008-06-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

We are in the process of moving. This past month I quit my old job, expecting a wonderful bit of time off before our big move into our own place in Long Beach. I had applied for a preschool job near our new home online, and the director contacted me for an interview. I decided to go, maybe she would keep me in mind for the next month or so. Walking into the preschool, I fell in love the minute I walked into the door. This was the perfect preschool, the one that has been in my head for years. My dream preschool, the one I was going to own someday. Here it was, through somebody Else's eyes. During the course of the interview, I felt an instant connection with the director. I felt we had the same outlook, philosophy and ideals on teaching and running a preschool. She must have felt it too, because she hired me on the spot. I was elated. I couldn't wait to start. The only downside, was that I was still in Burbank, and this school was not.

I went home very excited and told Danny about my new job. He was not so keen on the idea. The new school, though (at the moment) practically perfect in every way, was in actuality 30 minutes from our new living location. Danny, whom on a hourly basis worries about our finances, begins calculating the current gas prices, wear and tear on the car, mileage added to the new car, etc. and declares the job unfit. Why can't you find a preschool closer to the new house? There are a million preschools in Long Beach. Yes, I am sure there are. but this one is perfect..It is the preschool in my head. After going back and forth with this conversation I finally agree to find a bus/train route to get to work, and look for a "back up" job in long beach.

1. I do not in anyway what a "back up" job in long beach, but I am going to apply and hope for the worst anyway.

2.Finding a quick and easy route to work has not been easy. There is only road up the hill from long beach to where the new school is.

Although these complication seemed daunting, I am still working at it. I think I have found a route that works, and yes, it is a little longer than driving, but it is cheaper, and worth every extra minute I spend on the bus. Wouldn't you spend extra time to get to your perfect job!

I will post more stories and photos soon as we begin yet another adventure in our lives.

2008-06-08T22:49:00.001-07:00

Ethan was promoted from 5th grade this week to middle school. We are very proud of him, he finished school with awards in citizenship and all A's and B's. He fell in love with chorus and is looking forward to singing in the middle school choir, he is also a little sad, as he knows that his middle school is in a new town, again. He has to start over, new town, new school, new friends. That is indeed a scary prospect when you are 10.

I too am terrified of this change. Danny keeps telling me it's okay, you lived through it, he'll make it, but I am still frightened. He is so small for his age, and so different. He doesn't like sports at all, he loves books, Lego's and musicals. I am so scared to send him off to that big bad school, where kids are cruel and mean. I know a lot of this fear stems from my own horror of junior high,a three year period of my life which I fondly call, a living hell. So I am trying to be positive about this change, and be happy and look for the positive in this new journey, but I am not finding it very easy...I know all the right answers in my head, I'm just trying to get my heart to listen too.

joy

2008-05-26T21:44:00.000-07:00

My Weekend..

2008-05-26T21:31:00.000-07:00

This weekend...

I watched my beautiful goddaughter dance across the stage at her high school senior dance recital. She is an amazing, wonderful, young lady. I love and miss her terribly, it was such a joy to spend time with her.

I watched my other goddaughter walk across the stage at her high school graduation, I was so happy for her, and so pleased to be invited to be a part of her special day. She too is a wonderful joy in my life. I miss her too!

I visited my godson, who has chosen a less successful path for his life, and it broke my heart, he has such potential, I wish he could see that in himself. His brother on the other hand, is doing very well for himself. When we left 6 months ago, he was a boy, now he is becoming a young man, it was great to see him.

I shared meals with two dear friends, and loved catching up on their lives.

I went to coffee and shopping with my mom, then to lunch. What a wonderful morning we had together..I wish I didn't live so far away..

I surprised my dad by showing up at the house, he didn't know I was coming to visit, I loved seeing the smile on his face when he saw me, it made my day!

I held my friends baby, 10 days old! What a wonder..I can't remember my boys being that small. I curled up on the couch, with movies, wine, my dear friend, a quilt and the baby..what a restful and peaceful time that was. It was hard to leave, I wanted to stay on her couch and cuddle with Eily some more.

I went to the beach with the boys and our family today. It was perfect weather, and the boys of course, had a blast splashing in the ocean, constructing sand castles and chasing their cousins on the beach.

Wonderful memories fill my mind tonight, as I head off to bed, not wanting my real life to start tomorrow...

Bees and Bears

2008-05-19T22:44:00.001-07:00

Tristan won his first trophy this weekend. He placed first in the Boys and Girls Club spelling bee for the 2nd grade. He was the best speller among 11 other kids, we were pretty impressed, and he of course was beaming with pride. He had a good time too, he's been asking when the next one is...

On Sunday after church we headed to California Adventure, this was our second weekend of having our new annual passes and we were pretty excited to go. Being a hot day, we wanted to ride the Grizzly Rapids Ride, but there was a 2 hour wait all day..next time we hope to ride it. We did ride many of the other rides, and did some new things as well, like the Muppet 3D movie, which was just wonderful, I loved hearing Ethan laugh through the entire show. We also watched the Pixar Parade, and had fun exploring in the Disney Animation building. One of my favorite memories of the day was walking through the park with Ethan, he wanted to hold my hand, and at first I didn't want too, as it was soooo hot and I was sweating..but then I thought, no this is okay, soon he is headed to middle school, and won't want a thing to do with me, so for now, I am going to hold onto this moment, and just enjoy the ride

10 minutes

2008-05-14T23:20:00.000-07:00

I had a bad day. The kids at preschool were out of control, and I was exhausted by lunchtime trying to rein them in. I even mentioned to my friend, that I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I was bit, hit, and spit at by two students in my classroom, and was ready to walk out the door that very moment; but one of the teachers had gone home early, her son was at home very sick and she needed to take care of him. So, I stayed and the day didn't get any better. When I picked the boys up from daycare they fought all the way home, and Ethan told me that he had the worst day of his life, but he wouldn't tell me about it, no matter how many times I tried asking.

When I got home, Danny was in the kitchen cooking dinner, which was a blessing because I was too tired and frustrated to even think about what to make. As I stood in the kitchen looking for ways I could help, a story came on NPR. It was about a young couple and their story of devastation from the recent earthquake in China. The reporter spent the day with this couple, two days after the earthquake. They were in the process of trying to dig through the ruble and debris of their once apartment building in an effort to find their 2 year old son, and the husband's parents. The mom had left the boy at home with his grandparents, while she went to work, the little boy, like all children begged the mom to stay, and not go. 10 minutes later, the earthquake hit, and the building collapsed on the family. The young couple was still hopeful to find them alive, after 8 hours of digging, with machines, and several people assisting them, they found the bodies of their family members. The little boy was in his grandfather's arms, and the grandmother was close by their side. The young couple, of course was devastated and overcome with grief.

It made me think that this family's life completely changed in 10 minutes. In 10 minutes everything was gone. Their home, their child, their parents. It made me think that the pettiness of my bad day was nothing compared to theirs. So, I hugged my boys a little tighter, played a game with Tristan, and spent time on the computer with Ethan, because those 10 minutes were the best ones of my whole day. I am indeed going to bed a little more grateful then when I woke up.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/chengdu/2008/05/we_found_fu_guanyu_and.html
may 15 2008

Why as God's children..

2008-05-08T22:43:00.000-07:00

Wow, I had no idea I was writing about such a hot topic. I read all of your comments, several times, with interest. It seems, that the Armenian Genocide is a topic of great debate and discussion, as with any political topic, there are two sides. The only question I have left, is whether it was a civil war, or a genocide, (I myself believe the later to be true, and the more appropriate term for the events that occurred.) Why must we, as God's children, continue to kill one another over religion, culture and homelands? I know this has been happening since Cain and Abel, but when will it ever end, and why must it continue? I guess I will never know the answer, when I get to heaven, I will have to ask God that one myself. In the mean time, I will continue to pray for all who have suffered because of this event in our history and I will continue to read and learn more about this topic, and yes, I hope to keep an open mind as I research and study.

Outraged

2008-04-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

Did you know that there was an Armenian Genocide that happened in the years 1915-1918and millions of innocent people died, just because of their race and heritage? I had no idea that this ever happened. When my friend Tina at work told me about it, I was angered. I was outraged. Why was I never taught this in school? I learned all about the Holocaust and Adolf Hitler and the Jews, why didn't I know about the Turkish Government subjecting millions of innocent people to torture? Because according to the Turkish and the US Government, it never happened. It didn't occur, this event never took place. I am still truly disturbed and disgusted that I didn't know anything about this event. Tina also explained to me that every year on April 24th the Armenian people have vigils and protests trying to get the Turkish government to acknowledge their mistake, and every year the Turkish government denies it. Why? How hard is it for them to admit it, millions of people lost their lives. I know it is political thing, just like why can't our country erase debts owed to us by third world starving countries. Why are we fighting an unecessary war? Why are thousands of teachers losing their jobs because of no money? WHY?

Tina's great-grandmother was the only survivor in her family, she was 5 at the time, and her entire family was killed. She was raised in an orphanage. Why? I was telling Tina about my anger, and she said, now you know. You can teach others about my people, and what happened to us. I hope to do that, I truly do. I know my friend Tina will, her goal is to become a High School History teacher. I know she will teach this in her classroom. She told me, it doesn't matter if I loose my job over this, I will teach it, I will teach my students about the Armenian Genocide.

The Armenian Genocide was centrally planned and administered by the Turkish government against the entire Armenian population of the Ottoman Empire. It was carried out during W.W.I between the years 1915 and 1918. The Armenian people was subjected to deportation, expropriation, abduction, torture, massacre, and starvation. The great bulk of the Armenian population was forcibly removed from Armenia and Anatolia to Syria, where the vast majority was sent into the desert to die of thirst and hunger. It is estimated that one and a half million Armenians perished between 1915 and 1923.
Why is the Armenian Genocide commemorated on April 24?
On the night of April 24, 1915, the Turkish government placed under arrest over 200 Armenian community leaders in Constantinople. Hundreds more were apprehended soon after. They were all sent to prison in the interior of Anatolia, where most were summarily executed.

the present-day Republic of Turkey adamantly denies that a genocide was committed against the Armenians during W.W.I. Moreover, Turkey dismisses the evidence about the atrocities as mere allegations and regularly obstructs efforts for acknowledgment. Affirming the truth about the Armenian Genocide, therefore, has become an issue of international significance. The recurrence of genocide in the twentieth century has made the reaffirmation of the historic acknowledgment of the criminal mistreatment of the Armenians by Turkey all the more a compelling obligation for the international community.

information from www.armenian-genocide.org

The Joy of Books

2008-04-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

It was hot again today, I know I shouldn't complain. That is what living in Southern California is all about, perfect weather. My dear friend in Iowa gives me a hard time about this, she is sick of the snow and ice! I guess I am just not ready for summer, it seems that spring gets passed over around here!

Since is was a beautiful day, we headed to UCLA for their annual Festival of Books. This is no small affair. 140,000 people were expected at the event. It was amazing. There were booths selling books, author signings, lectures, crafts for the kids, and free performances and story tellers. I enjoyed hearing the stories of Max and Pinky, the author, Maxwell Eaton III, was a pretty funny guy, I can't wait to get to the library and check out the stories for my kids at preschool. Ethan's highlight was getting to meet his favorite author of the day, D.J. Mc Hale, who writes the Pendragon series. His signing was at 10:00, we were there at 9:30 the first in line. Mr. Mc Hale was first class. He talked with Ethan a long time, answered all his questions, asked him about his favorite parts of the books, and was a genuine kind person. I could tell he loved writing his books, and meeting his young fans. Tristan enjoyed meeting the author Michael Sprandlin who just wrote a new series of books for kids called The Youngest Templar. The lead character's name is a knight named Tristan, he even has his own holiday in the book. How cool is that. September 18th we'll be at Borders for that one! It was amazing to see the large crowds of people there excited about books, and reading. There were no high tech displays, no video games, or flashy demonstrations, just a crowd full of folks celebrating the joy of reading. The boys of course are in bed, reading their new books.

Wisdom from the Sandbox

2008-04-22T22:13:00.000-07:00

The other day whileI was watching my kids at school play, one little boy came running over to me and said, Ms. Ginger, come quick you have to see this. Running over to where he had been playing with his friends, I noticed all the children were looking up at the sky. What's up there? I said. The clouds, don't you see Ms. Ginger, look at the pretty clouds. They indeed where a sight, they truly looked like cotton candy spun across the brilliant blue California sky. WOW I said, the clouds sure look neat today. They do Ms. Ginger, and look over there. See that airplane? That airplane stirred all the clouds up and made them like that. Wow, I said that is pretty cool, what an amazing airplane. We stood, the kids and I for quite a while staring at the sky and then they were off to do other things, make sand castles, and play tag. It made me wonder though, how many other people had stopped to see those clouds. How many stopped their day, and took a moment to admire the painting in the sky, not too many I imagine. Most of us are so busy coming and going and rushing that we forget about the simple things in life. The beauty that lives all around us. It took the wisdom of a four year old to teach me my lesson for today, slow down a little, and you may see a magic airplane, stirring the clouds in the sky.

Messy vs Perfection

2008-04-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

Today while watching the kids play at recess, I realized why at times I get frustrated teaching where I do. It's my teaching philosophy. It doesn't match with the director or the school. I believe in a messy preschool, one where the kids can paint on an easel everyday, where there is a water table and science experiments in the classroom. Where kids get dirty planting flowers in their garden, and riding bikes outside. I believe in a preschool that art is a process, not a product. Where finger painting and goop and shaving cream painting are fun, and it doesn't matter if what the end product is, it's the experience of doing the work that matters.
The preschool I work at on the other hand, believes in worksheets, sitting still, not making a mess, keeping everything neat and orderly and quiet. Where the product does matter, it must match the other kids in the class, so it can be hung up on the bulletin board. Matching art projects that look all the same are important. There are no bikes to ride, no grass to run on, just tons and tons and tons of SAND. Now I don't want to make it sound all bad, because it isn't. The teachers I work with are wonderful, the love and care about the kids in their classroom. This preschool also is very open with the kids, we can hug them and hold them and tell them we love them. That is indeed a wondrous thing, many of the preschools I have worked at shun these terms of affection, it could get us into trouble, too much touching. I was telling a dear friend of mine about some of my frustrations, and she said. Well, it's not your school, when you have your own school, it will be just right. Hmmm my own school? That is something to think about...

Middle school here we come...

2008-04-14T22:56:00.001-07:00

Yesterday we started talking about making plans for a graduation party for Ethan. On June 4Th he graduates from Elementary School and will enter middle school in the fall. This terrifies me beyond belief. For me, middle school was pure hell. Trying to fit in, find friends, remember all my classes, get from one end of the extremely crowded hall to the other. In middle school, I learned many worldly things from my friends, and part of my innocence was lost. So, thinking about throwing my 10 year old, who still sleeps with his stuffed tigger every night, and likes to be tucked in with a story and prayers, into the lions den is indeed terrifying. Danny says Ethan will be okay, we lived. My mom says, it's just part of life, it's time for him to go through it. I guess it is, but I am having a tough time with this one. I guess God is really going to stretch my faith on this one. Maybe by August I'll be ready, but then again, maybe not.

Otter Pops and Blue dresses

2008-04-14T22:31:00.000-07:00

Today was really hot. It was in the 90's. It is way too early in the spring season for it to be that hot outside. At school today, the kids were hot, sweaty and cranky. Nap time was indeed a chore, the kids were too hot to be comfy, I guess I got a glimpse of what summer is going to be like at work! I am currently fighting some kind of a sickness, which comes along with the job, so I have not been my best creative self at work. I need to be motivated again to plan fun and creative activities for my kids to do in the afternoons, hopefully my creative self will emerge again soon. So this afternoon, after our time on the playground, another teacher and I decided to break out the otter pops as a treat for our kids. Sitting around the picnic table watching them eat their frozen treats, I realized how happy they were. Look at the color I got, it's the same as yours! They told me stories about their weekend, and what they like to do at home, and one little girl said to me, Ms. Ginger, look I'm wearing my blue dress today. Yes, I said you are, it has beautiful flowers on it. Dresses are my favorite, she exclaimed. They make me happy! Indeed they do, what a joy to work with kids everyday, who remind me that the simplest things in life, can bring us great joy, so here's to green otter pops, blue sundresses, and a sunny day, perfect for playing outside.

Easter Joy

2008-04-02T21:16:00.001-07:00

The small joys in my life.

2008-03-23T20:12:00.000-07:00

Now that I am working full time again, I find it hard to find time to write! I am enjoying teaching again, I had forgotten how much I had missed it, how much of it was a part of me. A dear friend of mine spoke to me last week, a few days after I had been back on the job, and said to me, you sound a little more like you, do you feel like yourself again. I answered her, yes, yes I do..I hadn't realized what a big piece of me this was, being in a classroom full of kids, eager to be challenged and to learn. I also have not taught preschool in a long time, which is a definite challenge, and I come home very tired, but it is very rewarding.

I love walking into the school in the morning and seeing the smiles on the kids faces as they greet me with a Hello Ms. Ginger, how the littlest thing makes them laugh out loud, like a push on the swing, chasing a soap bubble, or singing songs. I love working with the smallest ones, they are full of life, joy and excitement. Teaching and working helps me to forget my own troubles for a while. The fact that we have no money, that Danny and I hardly speak to one another anymore, that we need a second car, and can't buy one. That the boys cousins, aunts and uncles go to Disneyland every other week, and it breaks my heart to see the disappointment on their faces every time they hear about their latest or upcoming trip. I miss so many things, like cooking, having my own space, my friends, and my mom and dad.

Preschool is a magical place, yes some of the kids are tough, and push my buttons, and there are some kids I spend the day chasing around the playground every time we have to go back inside, but the joys far out way the challenges. The funny things they say, and do. My favorite so far has been. "I don't have cooties, only cat's and kittens." Oh, and the little boy who always forgets my name and calls me Ms. George.

Why we live here...

2008-03-10T21:24:00.001-07:00

This weekend we went camping with friends and family at the beach. It was an amazing time, great company, food, weather, and fun! The boys loved playing at the beach Saturday afternoon, hiking to the top of the mountain in the morning, and roasting marsh mellows at the evening campfire. Riding bikes, and playing flashlight tag were also big hits, we also celebrated Faith Ann's 6th birthday, and it was the first weekend that Aunt Peggy was with us to show off her beautiful new engagement ring, Peggy and Tim plan on being married next April. The boys adore their Uncle Tim, Tristan especially thinks Tim is the greatest, it is fun to watch, Tim is a great guy, we are all blessed to have him around!

Today we celebrated the long and amazing life of Grandma Eileen, she lived to be 92 years young, and was an amazing woman of faith, love and guidance. I have never met a more dedicated lady, she was an incredible person, and will be dearly missed. We decided to take the boys with us, mostly because everyone who watches them was going to the funeral, and we didn't have much choice, but we are glad we brought them. They behaved like little gentlemen, through a hour long mass, and a graveside service. After the lovely service, we headed to an aunt and uncle's house for a party, it was so great to see our extended family, they all were so happy to see us and the boys, and how much they had grown, the boys enjoyed seeing cousins and Ethan loved playing with the newest baby, Madelyn. It was a wonderful few days of family celebration, Eddie even commented today, you know, it's great getting to see you guys all the time now, I really like having you around. We like being here too! It is an answer to prayer to be living surrounded by family. Now, if God could only answer our prayer for a full time job for Danny..all would be right in our corner of the world....

Finally

2008-02-22T19:33:00.000-08:00

So after sending out 15 resumes and 5 interviews later I FINALLY HAVE A JOB!!!
I am so happy! I will be teaching preschool at a small school in Burbank. I think it will be good. I haven't taught in a preschool classroom in a long time, and I am looking forward to having my own class again. For now, the hours are part time, but in the world of preschool, I know this could change any minute. I am still planning on going back to school and getting my credential, as soon as we figure out where we will be living..I will enroll in school. Next month I am going to take the math/science section of the CSET, so after work, I can study and get ready for that.

In celebration of getting my job, I wanted to go out to dinner and celebrate. BUT having a job, does not mean there is money in the bank..not yet! So, since our funds that were supposed to last us only the month of January, have been stretched to last through February too, we are a on a very tight and limited budget.

So instead of going out, Danny made us all a nice dinner at home, and Ethan made me a sign that said congratulations. I decided who needs a restaurant, this is enough of a celebration for me, besides it was free :)but when I get my first paycheck, we may head out to celebrate! Hopefully, it will be a double celebration, maybe by then Danny will have a job too!

Weekend Fun

2008-02-11T12:55:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, the boys and I along with Aunt Peggy went to the Mother Son dance at school. It was a fundraiser for science camp, so I thought we should go support that, and besides it would be fun. The organizers of the event did a wonderful job, the food, decorations, dj, and games were all fantasitc. It was a fun filled evening!Ethan was excited because he and Aunt Peggy won one of the games, I liked dancing with the boys, and watching them play with their friends. They also had a professional photographer there to take our picutres, just like at Prom! All of us had a great evening..even though Ethan was a little relunctant at first, he warmed up and then we couldn't get him off the dance floor!

We also took a trip to Santa Monica on Sunday, the weather was perfect and the boys were so thrilled to be going to the beach. They ran straight for the water, even though it was a bit chilly! We spent all afternoon there, building sand castles, reading, taking walks, people watching. It was a good afternoon. On the way there,we of course hit traffic (leaving Burbank and getting on the freeway will do that) and Tristan said, I hate traffic. I said, I do too..but at the other end is the beach! This is one of the blessings of living here, at times, after you get through all the traffic, there is a blessing at the other end, like a perfect day at the beach.

A Walk in the Sanctuary

2008-02-05T10:19:00.001-08:00

This past weekend, I was able to attend a retreat. It for pastor's spouses and it is held every year at our church's resident camp in the mountains. I was excited to go, when we lived here before, this retreat was always a wonderful time. I love being with other pastor's spouse's. They understand, they listen to your woe's and challenges with open hearts, many of the partipants are spouse's of retired ministers, yet they still come to mountain once a year for fellowship. This weekend, I loved sitting with them and listening to their stories. What inspirational women of the church! These saints. They were so kind and supportive of me, as they nodded their heads and said, we have all been there! We know what it is like to wait and wait and wait for a new church call. We know how hard it is, we know what it is like to move to a new community. We understand and we are here for you. I believe them. I know they are praying for me.

One of the highlights for me was to go a walk with some of the ladies during free time. Every year, MaryBelle leads a group on a historical walk of the camp grounds. She points out the spot of the old swimming pool (now filled in due to safety concerns, it is a grass playing field) She shows us the old fishing hatchery, now full of weeds and brush, but listening to her tell us about the days when the campers actually fished there, you could see it. The kids on the shore, the fish swimming, the water flowing. The camp is MaryBelle and MaryBelle belongs to the camp. It has been a part of her for over half of her life. Her and her husband were the first couple to be the managers and caretakers of the camp, then in recent years her son took over. Tragically, his life was cut much too short in a horrific car accident a few years ago, taking with him his new born baby daughter, not yet a year old. Today, his widow and her two teenage daughters, run the camp, and live on the property.

The camp community lost it's saint. The camp had become Brad's and Brad was the camp. MaryBelle proved to us that his spirit, and her husband's before him, lives on. During the walk, MaryBelle at times would just stop, and listen. She wouldn't say a word, but look off into the distance. We knew, just by looking at her, that she was remembering something..Brad working on a project, him walking beside her on the path. Her husband fixing the trail or the step we just walked on. As we reached the top of the mountain trail, she stopped at a spot on the path where two trees had grown together, yet there was just enough room to step through them and place your hands on each of the tree's trunks. She said to us, this is one of my favorite spots in camp, and we could sense that, that we were in MaryBelles scared space, her sanctuary, and she was letting us glimpse into that.

When we reached the top of the hill, which of course has the most amazing view, with the mountains behind you and a grove of pine trees around you. MaryBelle knelt down at the wooden cross and prayed. She told us that her loved ones remains were buried there and that is where she will be buried in another 19 years. She is 78 and full of life and vigor. She told us of Brad's wedding, that was held there, were everyone stood, what everyone was wearing, and again, you could see it. I felt like I was there that day, experiencing the whole thing. It was the most spiritual, peaceful, amazing hike I have ever been on. Including all the ones at Yosemite, it wasn't the view, the trees or the sun on the path that mattered, it was being a part of MaryBelle's sanctuary, her Loch Leven. You have not seen Loch Leven, until you have seen it through the eyes of MaryBelle, she is truly, truly a saint of the church. I am honored to have walked the trail with her. It reminds me of the Colors of the Wind song from Disney's Pocohantas..

But I know every rock, and tree and creature
has a life, has a spirit, has a name.
Come run the hidden pine trails of the Forest
and come taste the sun the sweet berries of the earth
come roll in all riches all around you
and for once, never wonder what their worth.

A trip to the local mall...

2008-01-29T10:51:00.000-08:00

Here are some of my observations about living in LA..

When it is drizzling outside, the newscasters suddenly switch to a STORM WATCH

On our way to school this morning I passed several trucks with movies sets on them.

The boys bring home flyer's from school for free movie previews. We went and saw Ace Ventura 3, glad it was free.

Instead of hearing just bits of conversations in English while I am waiting somewhere, many different languages are heard..this is pretty cool.

Everyone talks very fast, moves very fast, gets impatient in lines, and drives very fast.

I found a wonderful tea store the other day call Teavana, in the Glendale Mall. This is a piece of heaven amidst the urban rush, just walking into the store drops your pulse rate, and makes you stop, look and listen to the world around you. Amazing tea, amazing people, I wanted to spend all day in there.

On the other end of the mall was a Target. A Target, in the mall. I couldn't believe it. Curious I went inside. Not only was it a Target, but a 3 story target, with escalators, in the middle of the store. Not just any escalators either, no these were high tech elevators. They had a smaller track in the middle for you cart. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, an escalator for your shopping cart. What will they come up with next. I stood at the bottom and watched this phenomena for quite a while, I wanted to watch others do this, so I could see how it worked. Does it really work? Does the cart fall off? How much slower/faster does it go than you? I finally ventured forth and gave it a try, I was laughing to myself the entire time, this is crazy I thought! When did we become so lazy, the women of Africa carry baskets of food and water on their heads and backs for miles, just to feed their families, and we have shopping cart escalators..wow. I promised my dear friend Brenda photos soon, so I will head back to the mall and take some photos.

What do you weigh on Earth?

2008-01-19T21:26:00.000-08:00

So because Danny and I don't have jobs yet, not that we are not trying! We have some time on our hands. It is actually fun, it reminds me of when we were dating. We go places, just the two of us, no kids, no rush, no worries. Thursday we went to the Griffith Observatory. This is an amazing place, an Los Angeles Icon. Many movies have been filmed there, Charlie Angeles, Rebel without a Cause, and my favorite, the 80's classic, Earth Girls are Easy. I actually couldn't remember the name of this one, just the plot, so I called my sister Terri and said..what was the name of that movie, where the 3 fuzzy guys came in a spaceship and landed in the girls pool, and she makes them over? Terri knew the answer, even with that crazy description, she knew. It was great being able to look at exhibits without crowds, last time we went there, I did not enjoy it, it was so crowded I could not see a thing! This time, I actually got to see what they have there..amazing stuff, really, everyone should go, and the view of LA is amazing from the roof, it actually, for a second looks pretty..almost.

One of the exhibits had scales where you could weigh yourself, and you could see what you would weigh on Mars, Venus, etc. This was fun, until I got to the What do you weigh on Earth scale. I stepped on, gasped at the number, and stepped off again. Shocked. I couldn't believe how much I weighed, it was frighting really. Absurd. How did I get this heavy. It was an awful, the bottom of the floor is caving in around me feeling. That night, I went to Jazzercise. I have decided this is it. I will not weigh that much ever again..and I am going to stick with it. Jazzercise is fun. The ladies there are great, the teacher is funny, and is very motivating. I am soooo sore, because I went again today, but I know a couple of months from now, it will pay off. Maybe in another 6 months I can go back to that scale, and hopefully it will be a better number.

welcometolahopeyouhaveaniceday

2008-01-11T17:26:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I have lived here, in this mess called L.A. I had forgotten about the foreign language they speak here. Today I was reminded. I went to Starbucks to order my chai tea, (I received several gift cards for Xmas!) and when my drink was ready, the man behind the counter says "grandechaiteawithsoy?" So, I said excuse me? He then answered Chai Tea with soy? Yes, thank you. I proceeded to a couple of doors down, where I went to get my hair cut. Walking in, i was greeted with a wouldyoulikeahaircuttoday? Hmm...I think she asked me if I wanted a hair cut. Yes please. Then she asked wouldyoulikeahairwashorcolorwiththat? Yes please. She responded, Which one, wash or color or both. Oh, just a wash please. I did like my hair cut and the lady who cut my hair actually spoke English. We had a nice conversation. Now that I remember this foreign language they speak here..maybe i will get better at responding thankyouhaveaniceday.

The other thing I had forgotten about was the driving. My mom gave me a Tom Tom for Christmas. I LOVE IT. I was born with no sense of direction, if you ask me which was is north, I would answer Sacramento. West is the beach, East is Nevada, South is San Diego. My tom tom navigation is amazing. I would be calling Danny every time I left the house if wasn't for Tom. It tells me when to turn, merge, when my exit is coming, and even, where the nearest Starbucks is. These things are important. BUT Tom Tom can not help me with the drivers here who think every street is the autobahn. I guess my common driving 10 miles over the speed limit will not work here. I have been honked at on numerous occasions, I am not sure why? Was I going to slow, did I turn too fast, too slow, do they not like Scions? I am not sure I will ever know. So, another adventure begins, Tom Tom and I will have to learn this system of driving together.

Adjusting

2008-01-10T23:04:00.000-08:00

The boys did indeed start their new school, Thomas A. Edison home of the chargers, their mascot is a light bulb..it makes me laugh every time I think about it..what a great mascot. Kids are full of light, energy an indeed charge through life..how fitting. I bought several school shirts, just because I think it is the coolest mascot ever! On the first day of school, both boys were really nervous, and didn't want to go. The next day, Ethan asked if he could get their early. They seem happy, both of their teachers are wonderful, the office staff is superb, and the nurses are very attentive to Ethan's needs. Ethan joined the chorus today, he came out of practice grinning from ear to ear, and Tristan brought home a flyer today for after school karate, he can't wait to start. It is amazing how kids adjust..I wish adults were that way! Danny and I still don't have jobs, and we are starting to get a little stressed about this..but hopefully something will turn up soon. We are enjoying the easy life in the city, it still amazes me that I can just drive to the grocery store, I keep going, just because I can! Life is starting to look a little brighter...

Soup Can Shelves

2008-01-05T19:24:00.000-08:00

Today it was raining..and the boys were needing to get some energy out, so we called the cousins and headed over to the golden arches for lunch. Not exactly the most vegetarian friendly fast food joint on the planet, but we like their yogurt parfaits. The boys had a great time in the human habitrail and we headed home. Since it was a rainy day, all I wanted to do was crawl into bed with my new book and read, maybe take a little nap. Alas, it was not to be. The boys were yelling, Danny was on the computer (in our room) and it was impossible to sleep. Frustrated, I decided to go look for food to make dinner. This is not an easy task. The cupboard in the kitchen here has shelves the size of a soup can on every shelf, which makes putting away bigger boxes, like cereal and goldfish a big challenge. I finally found a frozen lasagna and said, I am going to the store to get some bread and salad for dinner. This of course, is a new experience. I can do this. Before, we could have been out of luck. Returning from the store, I realized I had forgotten my snack cups of chocolate pudding. I had a big craving for these, and they were on sale for a dollar, so I thought, why not? I thought, do I want to go back? I decided not, maybe tomorrow on our way to church I can stop and ask about my pudding. Feeling frustrated at trying to cook in the tiny kitchen, with the soup can shelves, and not knowing where anything was, made me a little cranky. I was a little agitated sitting down to dinner. I didn't get to read, nap, cook happily, and no pudding. Every night we take turns saying the dinner prayer. We have a small basket on the table, that has a deck of 52 different prayers from around the world, and each night we pick a card and read it. Tonight it was Tristan's turn. Here is part of the Eskimo prayer he read:

All is more beautiful
And life is thankfulness
These guests of mine
Make my house grand.

Okay God, I get it! I need to be thankful. Thankful that we have a home to live in, Thankful that Larry has opened his home and heart for us to live here. Thankful that we have a pantry full of food, when others have none. Thankful that we are all safe, healthy and loved, as so many are not. Thankful that the boys start school on Monday and have the opprotunity to learn, Thankful that we are surrounded by family that has loved and embraced us being here. For these things I am thankful, maybe I can live with the tiny kitchen with the soup can shelves for a while.

Moving is Okay I guess

2007-12-30T18:40:00.000-08:00

I like my new church, there are friendly people and incredible music.
There is a scrap booking store down the street that has lots of classes.
It is fun seeing my nieces often, and watching the boys play with their cousins.
I got to go to Trader Joe's, buy 3 bags of groceries and be home in 20 min.
(before we would fill 2 carts, an ice chest and drive 45 min. each way)
I have had Chinese, pizza and sub sandwiches for meals the past 3 days, and I could walk to all 3 places.
I got a parks and recs guide yesterday and the boys and I can actually take classes and it will take us 10 minutes to get there.
The boys can walk to their new school.
The library here is beautiful, new and fun, the boys and I can't wait to go back.
We finally, finally have high speed internet..WOW I love it!!!
I guess things are getting a little better...

Moving Sucks

2007-12-28T21:12:00.000-08:00

Moving sucks.
It really does.
I am sore.
I am tired.
I can not find anything.
I miss having my own kitchen.
I miss my friends.
I miss my girls kam and madi.
I miss having coffee with my mom.
I miss seeing a field outside my window.
I miss the kids in my classroom.
I miss hearing the train at night.
I miss the big kids running in and out of the house.
I miss my kids school, where everything was small and comfortable.
I do not like moving.
I do not like it.
It sucks.
I hate it.

Finding God in Unexpected Places.

2007-11-05T18:40:00.000-08:00

This month has been very difficult for me spiritually. I have found it is extremely hard to worship with a group of people who have hurt Danny so deeply, that I don't want to be in the same room with them. It is hard for me to go to worship at a place where I know we are not wanted by many, and many do not support Danny or what he is doing. So, I stopped going to church. This past Sunday, it was my turn to help with the communion, so reluctantly, I dragged myself to church, and sat in worship. Before worship, I talked to Charles, who is struggling with us leaving as much as we are, he is a wonderful man, who has put much of his energy and time into this congregation, and keeping it alive. He encouraged me that things will get better, and I encouraged him that after we left, he should worship with his daughter, who has since moved on to a larger church.

After church, I spoke with a couple who was visiting our church. Their daughter is in Ethan's class, and I was surprised to see them there. I know that he too has been a pastor in their own denomination, and they have been very involved in their church together. They went on to tell me that God had called them to leave their most recent church where they had been for two years, working on a new church start. They told us they felt God was urging them to move on, but they didn't know where. How encouraged and blest I felt after talking with them! I am not alone on this wandering in the desert. I told her my frustration of not knowing, and how it was effecting all of us, especially Ethan. Knowing Ethan, she smiled and said, you know, when the Israelites were wandering in the desert, God provided. Not only food for the people, but for all the cattle as well. You know, the mom's in that journey probably heard the same concern, Mom, where are we going and when will we get there? Arriving at the Red Sea, the children looked at their parents in disbelief, Now what? but God washed all the evil into the sea, so the Israelites could start anew, that was God's way of allowing them to start over. I was encouraged again, knowing that at the end of this desert, is a Red Sea, and that soon, I will be able to give Ethan an answer, but for now we wander, with God's protection, blessing and provision.

Yesterday morning, Tristan said to me, Mom, I want to go see Simon and Adam today. Simon and Adam are sons of good friends of ours who live about 40 minutes away. Both parents are disciple pastors, and their mom, Molly is the pastor of a New Church start in Elk Grove, CA. Table of Grace Christian church for the past year or so, has met in the living room of their home, and we try to go at least once a month to worship with them. The boys love to play up in the loft above us, as we worship down below. Now, the church has found a permanent home, renting space from the UCC church. We had not been to worship with them in that new space, so we went. . Walking inside, we were greeting warmly by the elders of the church, whom we have worshiped with several times. Do you know Molly and Michael are not here today. No, we said, and jokingly, tried to leave. The boys were disappointed, as they wanted to see Simon and Adam, but since their new church had a room of yet unexplored toys, they went happily into the nursery.

Worship was small, there was just 6 of us, but that was OK. The pastor of the UCC church led us in an exercise called Examne which was inspired by God to St. Ignatius. It was a moving worship, and I felt again at peace. A peace washed over me like I hadn't felt in a long time. I have been so angry with God, and so frustrated with the church, that I had forgotten about the relationship and friendship I can have with Jesus. I can still be angry, yet the friendship is there. Danny offered to play guitar for the service, and after worship he said it was wonderful playing for them. He said he knew the group there, even though it was small, wanted to be there, and wanted to sing. After worship, Mary Lou, one of the elders, came up to me and gave me a big hug and asked how things were going, they're not, I said. Oh, she said, I understand, Dick and I had that happen to us years ago, it is the one thing I don't miss with having a full time church, you have to wait so long for a new call!You do, it takes forever, I said. It was so encouraging, again, knowing that we are not wandering alone, there are many praying for us, many that have been where have, and many that will celebrate when the answer does come, when the new call arrives. Until then, we wander in the desert, waiting to reach the Red Sea.

Crazy Trip

2007-11-04T19:40:00.000-08:00

About a week ago, I got fed up with everything, and I took off. The girls and I drove all night, it helps me to clear my head and relax, driving. We had an amazing, spontaneous, and crazy trip! Here are some photos of our journey...

Smiles for me...

2007-09-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

She has the most beautiful brown eyes, and her smile can light up a room. She has blonde hair, and loves to wear pretty clothes. She is 5 years old, and she can not speak. I work with her everyday, and she amazes me with her memory, and her abilites, she can color, paint, cut with scissors, throw a ball and jump. Yet, she cannot speak. I know she likes me, as she greets me every morning with a hug, and she wanders around the classroom until she finds me. Sometimes she just grabs my hand, and waits, until I am ready to move along side her and teach her something new. I grow frustrated at times, because she gets angry, and makes upseting noises, but I don't know what she wants, and she cannot tell me. I show her pictures, and she points, and sometimes I get it right. I long to understand her completely, how her brain works, what she likes and dislikes, what makes her happy and sad. Slowly, slowly everyday we learn from each other. Somedays I come home from teaching and wonder, who recieved more today, my little girl at school, or me. The world of an austitic child is an amazing place, sometimes upeseting, sometimes frustrating, but mostly rewarding, and so I return tommorow, for yet another adventure.

Hometown Football

2007-09-07T23:52:00.000-07:00

Tonight was East Nic's first home football game of the season. It is always an amazing time, with the whole community coming out to cheer on our Spartan's. The boys love to go, Tristan told me tonight, his favorite part of the game is when the team runs through the paper banner at the beginning of the game. Ethan, who has just reached the age where he is old enough, loves to cruise around the field with his friends from school. It is indeed a rite of passage in our small community, the age when you are demeed old enough to do this. Play a game of touch football in the field behind the bleachers, walk to the snack bar by yourself for a snack, or just walk around the track with your buddies. I told Ethan that he could go tonight, alone to see his friends. At first he was a little cautious, but I reassured him that I would not move from my viewing spot, and that he could come back anytime he wished to check in. He had a wonderful time, it was great to see him engaging with his friends. In fact, when the game was over, he didn't want to come home! Tristan of course stayed with me, we sat on the grass the entire game, very close to the football players, he liked seeing his buddies up close. He loved running around in circles on the track, and playing with the big kids. It was a great evening in our small town, and the Spartans won both the JV and the Varisety games, 58 to 0 and 33 to 7.

Things are looking up round here...

2007-08-28T21:23:00.000-07:00

I FINALLY PASSED THE CBEST!!!
I am so happy, after 5 tries I finally did it. Now I can substitue teach and apply for teaching credential programs. One big test down, 4 more to go. (3 sections for the CSET and the RICA) We test our teachers to death, so we can learn how to test our students to death!

We finally got our Scion back. We missed her, our little extrodonary whiteness. She is just as beautiful as the day we bought her, and even has that "new car smell" again.

I love my new class of kids, they amaze me everyday with how much the know! Ethan and Tristan love being back at their old school, and are enjoying their teachers.

The end of the month is almost here, so I will finally get paid. (I hate getting paid once a month)

The Labor Day parade is on Monday, the most amazing, hokey, just out of a movie, you can't believe it's real small town festival in the world. It is cheezy beyond cheezy and we love it.

So, I am beginning to feel better these days.

Plays and Preaching

2007-08-12T22:44:00.000-07:00

Ethan performed in a play on Saturday, it was a short play to highlight what he had learned at his 8 day drama camp that had just ended. He did an amazing job, considering it was all Shakespeare. This is a picture of him in my favorite role, Antiochus' daughter in the play Pericles, Prince of Tyre.

I was also invited to go school shopping with Madi and Kamryn today. I was honored that they asked me. We went to the mall, and had amazing girl time. I loved being able to take my time, and not having to be anywhere. I just got to be with them. In his sermon this morning, Danny preached on the passage in Luke that talks about the servents being ready for their master, when he returns from a trip. He compared it to being ready at all times for moments of ministry, little glimpses that we might be able to share with others about the Gospel. I am convinced that my time today was just that, preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary use words.

Summer Fun Highlights

2007-07-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

I know, I haven't written in a while..we have had a busy and amazing summer..here are some highlights!

Ethan turned into a double digit kid last week, the big 10! He and I survived his first slumber party, it was great fun, he loved his Star Wars birthday.

We bought and finished the 7th Harry Potter book, I actually read it twice, it made me sad that Harry finally ended.

Ethan went to 2 weeks of resident summer camp. One week of church camp with dad, and the 2nd was a week of diabetes camp by himself. He was so proud of himself..it was hard to put him on that bus, but he came home a little older, and a little more mature.

Ethan got a new bike for his birthday, and is trying to master his new 2 wheeler!

Tristan loved golf camp, swim lessons, and library story hours. He has enjoyed play dates with his friends Jeffrey and Will. He has a new found love of Matchbox cars..the living room is proof of his new fad.

Tristan and I had a blast in Reno, we took a trip with the big kids while dad and Ethan were at camp. Circus Circus, the hotel swimming pool, buffet, arcade and mini golf course were his favorites. I tried unsuccessfully to win a big jackpot, but it was still fun to get away. My favorite was ordering room service and watching girl movies with Madi!

We had a great, great week camping with our family at Big Sur, there was 20 of us, 9 kids, 2 dogs, and lots of fun. We went to the Monterrey Bay Aquarium on Tristan's 6th birthday, had a double birthday party for Erin's 4th and Tristan's 6th. We swam in the river, played at the beach, took a hike to the waterfall, did junior rangers, had campfires, and played with cousins till dark!

Danny and I enjoyed a few days away at Donner Lake and the boys had a blast at home with Aunt Terri. The lake was very peaceful, and it was a wonderful, restful time. We took our new car, our sweet Scion XB. We love it!

Last week we visited Six Flags Discovery Kingdom, what a blast. It was a fun park! Danny love getting to ride all his upside down crazy loop coasters. The boys loved the animals shows and the rides, and I loved getting to ride an awesome wooden coater! My favorite kind. The walruses and the sea lion, and dolphin shows were a big hit.

We just spent the day with friends on a party boat at Collins Lake, it included 2 decks and a water slide. That was a blast..we hope to rent the boat with them again soon.

Ethan is finishing up his summer with a drama class, and Tristan is asking for a trip to mini golf and the water slides..hopefully we will make it. School starts the 21St of August. Ethan will be in 5th Grade and Tristan in 2nd. Hopefully it will be a great year!

Picture Books

2007-06-25T15:40:00.000-07:00

Well, summer has begun. It's hot, the pool is open, and the kids are actually keeping busy. Last week Tristan had golf lessons, he did pretty well, and had a great time. He informed me the other day that..he was going to be a drummer on stage, in a band like Green Day, and be a professional golfer too. We went to the library story time today, and singed the kids up for the summer reading program, they love seeing their friends, making a craft project and getting new books. I was looking in the 3rd grade section, trying to find books to challenge Tristan. He picked a few chapter books out, and then walked away. A few minutes later, he came back with a picture book, and said Mom, I want this one. I looked at it, it was way too easy of a book for him, and I almost said no, but then, I stopped. He is only 5, he is still a little boy, and well, a picture book would be fun for us to read. So, I gathered a whole stack, and some have just a few words on each page, but that is okay. When we got home, we curled up in my bed, and read the stack of picture books, and it was fun, and for a moment, my little pro golfer, who is always on the run, curled up with me, and sat still, it was a picture I will keep in my head and heart for a long time! Hurray for summer, for clean houses, and clean garages. For new cars, for getting to sleep in, and stay up late. For BBQ dinners, and swimming pools. Hurray for camp outs, family vacations, birthdays, and church camp. Hurray for summer.

Grief and Peace

2007-06-03T23:29:00.000-07:00

Grief is a funny emotion. It rolls over you like an ocean, storms through you like a tornado, and at times leaves you dazed, with thoughts of what to do next. We have had plenty of grief in our household this week. Grief from our car accident, and the van that is still in the shop, with questions unknown of it's future. Grief from coming home from a vacation, and having to get back into "normal life". Grief of Stephen's grandma passing away. This morning, while I was cooking breakfast, Madi came into the kitchen and said, Ginger, she died, and I don't know what to do, Stephen is crying. You have to understand, that Stephen hardly ever cries, and when he does, it shakes all of us to the core, as it is so out of character for him. This past month, Stephen has cried 3 times. Twice in the hospital, and once for his Grandma. Madi, whom came to tell me that his Grandma had passed on, lost her own mom to cancer, not even a year ago, and she herself is still grieving, she doesn't do well with hospitals or churches. So grief is present here, and at times it is draining and stressful and confusing and maddening. I grow exhausted and worn from trying to mend the grief, and listen and hug and cry myself. The other night, Danny said to me, I have to find Peace in this house again, you may like the chaos but I am going crazy. So, where is the line? The line of ministry and family, the line of too much and not enough, the line of when to stop, hold back or move on. I wish I knew, I wish I had all the answers. But for now, the big kids are here, they are currently out on the front porch talking about Grief. About Madi's mom, and Pearse's Grandma, and Stephen's Grandma, and those who they love that are no longer with us, and they are laughing and remembering and moving on. So for now, the house is at peace, in the midst of Grief, and we move on to tomorrow, as our ministry to the hurting and confused and lonely continues.

Water

2007-04-14T21:38:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I have blogged. I have been busy as usual. Our spring break trip to Yosemite was amazing, and our visit with our dear friends from Indiana just added to the joy of our time there in God's beauty. The highlight for me was the morning we hiked to the bridge at Vernal Falls. It was a great hike, the kids loved exploring (yes we ignored all the signs, and let the kids climb the rocks off the trail) Getting to the bridge and resting for a long while was nice. Everyone took the time to gather themselves and create their own space to rest a while. Some of us sat at the falls and just looked. I was amazed at the power of the water, in some places, like the area where had our picnic lunch, the waters were calm, and peaceful, others, like at the falls, you couldn't help but be amazed at the incredible power and flow of the water. It was amazing to me, to see how much water can change. Our time there was busy, restful and blessed. Another highlight was seeing Yosemite through the eyes of our friends who had never been there, it was like seeing it for the first time all over again. Taking pictures, and having Tristan try and collect every pressed penny in the park was fun too!

Courage

2007-03-11T22:57:00.000-07:00

This season of Lent, I have been reading a morning devotional about Courage. It is a compilation of different meditations written by the members of Lafayette Christian Church. I find myself relating to many of their stories, others are in different places in life than I am, but I am still moved and encouraged by their words. What is Courage to you? How do we allow our loving God to give and bring us courage in our daily lives. The other night, my courage was tested. I was in a situation that I could only observe and I didn't have the power to stop. I felt helpless, hopeless and afraid. So, I sat and prayed, I cried and I prayed, I cried out loud for it to end. God did indeed answer my prayer, for everyone involved is now safe and for the most part, physically unharmed. Yet, emotionally and mentally the scars and pain still exist. So as I walk this week, I will pray for more Courage. Courage to say the right words to the afflicted, courage to forgive those who did the hurting, courage to seek God in all things, I hope that during this Lenten season, you too will find yourself praying and seeking courage in your own daily lives.

Blue Shoes

2007-03-11T22:48:00.000-07:00

I have started trying to walk in the mornings before I get ready for work. Last week, I actually got up early 4 mornings in a row to walk. It is a nice peaceful time for me, walking out in the early mornings. I bring Saydee along with me, she loves to go, and now sits at the side of my bed every morning and whines at me, until I get up, and put on my blue walking shoes. She knows what these shoes mean, she runs circles around me, and jumps up and sprints to the door as soon as she sees them. Most of the time, Saydee stays with me, new smells excite her, birds to chase overwhelm her, but most of the time, she just trots along next to me. I pray as I walk, I find this to be a good time for that. I used to think that prayer could only be done kneeling by your bed, hands folded, eyes closed. As I have gotten older, I find myself praying in many different ways, in the car, a quick prayer to stop myself from yelling in anger at my kids, a prayer for the homeless man on the side of the road. Lately I have added my walking prayers to that list. I hope I continue my walks this week, I am sure Saydee will remind me.

Glitter, Glue and Hearts

2007-02-13T21:34:00.000-08:00

tis the eve of Valentines day and all through the house are smells of heart cookies baked fresh today. Glitter, paper hearts, dollies, ribbon and stickers adoren the middle of my kitchen table, as the boys masterpieces are set out to dry. We had a great time this afternoon, cutting, gluing, writing and creating. I love buying paper, ribbon and stickers for my kids to create their own valentines. I find them more meaninful than the paper ones from the store, the ones that come in a box of 32 with a cartoon character or a joke on them. We also made cookies and cupcakes together and Ethan was so proud of himself for frosting his own treats for his friends. This is what I believe the holiday is about, showing our love for one another and our friends, by ways of tiny cards and homemade treats. After our time of creating was finished, my dear godson asked if we could go driving. This usually means one of 2 things. 1. he needs to talk to me about something. 2. he wants to go into town to run errands. Tonight was #2. He wanted to pick up something for his girlfriend, for valentines day. What do you want to get her, I asked. A stuffed bear, from WallyWorld, it is red and holds a heart that says 2007 on it. It a deal at $10. Pulling into the parking lot, I noticed that it was quite full, and then walking into the store, and heading down the middle aisle, I noticed that the card, gift, trinket section was overflowing with people. Everyone was picking out cards, stuffed bears, flowers, vases etc. I took a stroll through the aisles myself, just to look. Danny and I promised each other we weren't going to spend any money on gifts this year, and we were going to be creative. At first I was disapointed by this statement, but then, after looking down the aisles in the store, and remembering the fun I had just experienced at home, I was grateful for this decision. I was glad I didn't have to fight the crowds of the last minute shoppers buying last minute gifts, that really didn't mean much. So, yet again, another holiday in america. Pure consumerism at it's best. I came home, finished frosting my cupcakes, and smiled at the wonderful art on my kitchen table, and tommorow, I am looking forward to my creative, free, and from the heart gift, that Danny is going to give me.

Godmom

2007-02-04T13:17:00.000-08:00

The other day Stephen asked me if he could drive to Woodland to pick up his girlfriend for the Courtwarming Dance and Game at the High School. Sure, I said, we can do that. I guess I should have realized by now, that nothing with Stephen is a point A to point B trip. After driving around Woodland in circles for a half hour, we finally made it to his girlfriends house. The reason for the delay, was that Stephen did not know where she was, mom's, dad's or school. After driving and numerous phone calls, we finally found her at her mom's. Thinking that she was going to be ready and we could just leave quickly, was another error on my part. When we arrived at the door, she told us, I have to talk to my mom some more, can you guys wait outside? Okay...I guess she didn't have this approved in advance? Why did I not think of this? After about 5 minutes she came outside teary eyed, and said we could come in. Hmmm I guess we are not taking her with us. After saying hello to her mom, I excused myself to use the restroom, and came back out to the living room to speak with her mom a little longer. The mom began telling me that she just wasn't comfortable having her daughter go so far away ( we live 30 miles from Woodland) that she didn't know Stephen very well (they just started dating) and that maybe we could come over one afternoon soon so she could get to know us better. This was a very awkward moment for me, I didn't know who I was supposed to be in this conversation. Did Stephen tell her I was his mom, if not who did he say I was? I kept talking to her, trying to think of the right words to say, and not say too much at all. Finally, she asked me how old my son's were. I then realized that Stephen had told her something about me, but what? Then it was time to leave, and we said goodbye, I told her next time, maybe we could visit longer, and she liked that idea.
When we got to the car, I said Stephen, who did you tell her I was? I told her you and Danny were my Godparents, and that you were my 2nd family. Oh, I said, that works for me, I can be a Godmom! Stephen and I on several occasions have struggled to put a title on our relationship. Are you his mom? people ask, no, not really, but yes, I sometimes answer. How do we explain our relationship to other people? This is Ginger, she is my confidant, 2nd mom, chauffeur, and I love her kids as brothers. I am welcome at her house anytime, and the door is often left unlocked for me? How do we put all of this into one simple explanation. Stephen finally came up with it, Godmother works for me and I am proud to be his.

Tofu and Veggies

2007-02-04T12:37:00.000-08:00

I became a vegetarian this past week. After spending 2 days in Berekley and not eating any meat, I figured I was on a roll, why not keep going. I actually felt better, and had more energy. Danny thinks I am a little crazy, and he is considering joining me, once the meat that is in the freezer is eaten. I am afraid that if I ate some, I would digress, and not move foward. It has actually been pretty easy to not eat meat, I don't even miss it. This morning, I was reading my vegetarian cookbook and Tristan says. "Mom, you are a vegetarian?" Yes Tristan I am. "Yuck, now we have to eat more vegetables!" No, I said, you can still eat meat if you want too. Okay he says. Although, he doesn't eat much meat himself. He loves eggs and cheese, and peanut butter, he is more of a vegetarian than he realizes! I have been reading on the internet a lot about vegetarian cooking, and the thoughts behind why people become vegetarian. It is all pretty interesting, and with the world the way it is today, that global warming is a major issue, and is has been caused by human consumption and error, I figure I am doing my small part. Today I am headed to Trader Joes to buy some tofu, not sure how that will taste, but I am willing to give it a try...who knows, maybe even Tristan will like it.

Riches beyond compare

2007-01-09T21:11:00.000-08:00

Our Ethan was baptized in church on Sunday. It was a beautiful time, with our church full of people , 70 the most we have had in a year, even more than last Easter! What a wonderful out pouring of love and support for Ethan's big day. Many of my family members were able to be with us, 4 of whom drove over 8 hours just to be there! My dad was there, which because of health reasons he hasn't been able to leave the house too often. My sister came, even though she had a test to study for, and lesson plans to prepare. Our dear Sara stayed home an extra week from college just to be with us. Our big kids actually came to church, they came a little late, in their jeans and sweatshirts, but I didn't mind, they were there! My dear friend Kendra came with her boys, and so did our good friend Michelle. It brought tears to my eyes seeing him stand there with his dad in the tub of water. Tristan sat on the step near by, and took pictures, and was just as proud as he could be. It was truly a wonderful time of celebration. After Ethan was baptized he came and sat with us in the pew. I asked him if he saw all the people that had come to support him, he smiled and said I could see everybody! Later in the service when the offering tray went by, Tristan said, mom if we took all that money, we would be rich! I thought about it for a minute, then I looked around the church, and then thought, but Tristan we already are rich. Rich with love, support, friends and family. These things far outway the money in the tray. Indeed they do.

Time Marches On

2007-01-05T19:47:00.000-08:00

I was sad tonight..maybe it is the winter blah's, the I am not ready to go back to work blues, or that my big kids are growing up. Stephen finally got his drivers permit this past week, and can't wait to drive. I some errands to run today, so he of course jumped at the chance to drive. I of course, jumped at the chance, because that is the best place for us to talk. He shared with me about the antics of his winter break, his latest girl troubles, and his dismay of going back to school. He talked to me about drinking, and partying, and what I thought. Honestly, it made me sad, I didn't want that to be an option for him, I didn't want him to think that was fun, or cool, but my advice and concern of course fell by the wayside.

After our errands were run, we returned home with 2 buddies of his, and the boys of course were ecstatic to seem them all. My little boys made room on the couch for the big kids to watch the cartoon movie with them. They weren't going to stay though, Hey we're going up to the basketball game at school, Stephen says to me. Okay, I say, are you coming back? Maybe, we are going to P's after the game. Oh, do you guys want to spend the night here tonight? I ask. (they like staying here, we have enough beds for everyone and I make them a good breakfast in the morning!) Naw, we can't we are going to party tonight. Okay, I say. I'll have the phone on, call me if you need me. Be safe! I know. I will. I love you.

So, I cry a little. What happened to the nights of wrestling on the living room floor, pinball tournaments on the computer, skateboarding at church, and paper football games that would last for hours? I guess, those things aren't cool anymore. And so, I am a little sad, my big kids are getting bigger, and my little boys are getting smarter, and soon, I know I will be having these same conversations with Ethan. So, tonight, I am a little sad, as time marches on.

The 12 Days of Christmas

2006-12-25T18:59:00.000-08:00

The 12 Days of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my family gave to me,
1 wonderful dinner.
2 wonderful nieces, who are growing up so fast
3 children dancing to Matilda the Gorilla, sung by Danny, with encores!
4 Christmas programs, one in which Ethan acted and Tristan sang.
5 kids at my class party, which was a chaotic glorious time.
6 boys opening gifts on Christmas morning at my house, which made my heart sing
7 days of vacation to LA, to see our family there, we can't wait!
8 cousins who played Apples to Apples on Christmas Eve, we laughed often and loud
9 hours of fun, visiting our buddy Chris.
10 wonderful gifts, that the boys are loving and enjoying!
11 Christmas cards and pictures from family and friends
12 golf balls, which Tristan gleefully shot across the street this morning, still wearing his Pajamas, and grinning from ear to ear, with his new clubs!

May God bless each and everyone of you this Christmas season. Let us remember the birth of the Christ child, amidst the hustle and bustle!

First night of lights

2006-12-15T17:03:00.000-08:00

Today is the first day of Hanukkah. We had a big celebration in my classroom today, we lighted the Menorah,it was a small one that used blue birthday candles, and we all had to stand in the doorway to light it, in fear of setting off the school smoke detectors.The kids did not seem to mind, they were excited to see the candles brightly shine! We made Menorah's out of paper, and clay, and played the dredial game. For a treat, I gave each of the children in my class a bag of chocolate coins, which they of course loved. Our big event of the day, was making traditional latkas, which are potato pancakes. The kids loved grating the potatoes, adding the eggs, stirring it all together. While the latkas fried on the griddle, we talked about the Star of David, and the Menorah's, and the eight days of light. Then we enjoyed our treat with applesauce and sour cream, and they were quite good!

My kids had a wonderful day, one little girl danced around the class shouting "It's Hanukkah, it's Hanukkah." Now, mind you, not one of my kids celebrates this holiday at home. There are no menorah's, blue lights, or Stars of David to be seen. Just Christmas trees, and stockings, and Santa Claus. The other teachers at our school just don't understand why we chose to do anything for Hanukkah. None of my kids are Jewish, they said, all of my kids celebrate Christmas, Why are you bothering to teach Hanukkah? It's such a busy time of year! Yes, yes it is, but what a joy today was, I wouldn't deny my kids the opportunity to experience another culture for anything! Sandy, my co-teacher, who remembers celebrating Hanukkah as a young girl with her Grandmother, said, this is the best Hanukkah I have had in years, the kids thought so too!

Letterboxing

2006-11-26T08:53:00.000-08:00

Saturday, we decided to take the boys on an adventure. I recently found out about a new hobby, letterboxing. It is a form of a treasure hunt. You find the locations near you on the website www.letterboxing.org, then you print the clues, and off you go. At each site is a hidden box, with a stamp and notebook, you add your stamp to the notebook, and then add the stamp to your personal notebook. Yesterday's adventure lead us to a new place, where we hiked about for 2 hours, looking for our clue boxes, seeing beautiful views of the river, and having a great time. At first, the boys said, what is the point? To have fun, I said, you will like it. They were reluctant, but after Ethan found his first box, he was hooked...he couldn't wait to get to the next box! We had some pretty tough clues, that had us searching for a while, but it was a great joy when we found the box. We had a grand time, and can't wait to find more boxes!

Hey..what's for dinner.

2006-11-21T22:11:00.000-08:00

This afternoon, at about 5pm I was rummaging through the cupboards trying to come up with something for dinner. It had been a long day, as the boys were very rambunctious today, I was just about to cook canned soup, when Spencer walked into the kitchen. Hey, he says, Do you have any meat? I feel like BBQ. Spencer, I said, it is too dark and cold to cook outside tonight, "Nah," he says, opening the freezer and looking for some meat. We found some chicken, and a bottle of teryaki sauce in the pantry. While I defrosted the meat, Spencer went outside to start the BBQ. Now, mind you, we don't have a gas grill, we just have a red Webber, that uses charcoal, but Spencer would not be swayed, he wanted BBQ. I went about making rice and veggies to go with the meat, and Spencer kept coming in and out of the kitchen, for tools, extra sauce. more meat, etc. After a while, I decided to go out and check on the progression of the meat. This is what I saw. I laughed out loud, Spencer you are crazy, I said. I had to take a picture, of our November BBQ. By the way, it was some of the best chicken I have had in a long time!

Birthday

2006-11-20T20:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my 36th birthday. I was asked if I felt old, but I don't. I guess being a mom, teaching kindergarden and hanging out with teenage boys keeps me young. I had a great day, I went to lunch at BJ's with my family, joined by our friend Marilyn and my mom, dad and sister. The boys were actually very well behaved, and managed to sit through a 2 hour meal, without hassel. I enjoyed the company, the yummy cookie pie and ice cream for dessert, and the good beer. At school on Friday, my Lexie wished me a happy birthday at least a dozen times, and Noah gave me a big hug goodbye. The teacher I work with surprised me with a gift and it was a good day at school. Our classroom has been very hectic lately, so that was a great gift, a calm day at school.

On Sunday Danny surprised me with a beautiful necklace, and the boys made me cards and pictures at Sunday School. Stephen actually came to church, because I asked him too, and he was really sick, that was a joy too! Spencer came over and gave me a turtle picture frame, and then cleaned my kitchen, just because. What a great gift. I truly felt loved, it was one of the nicest birthday's I have had in a long time.

First Grade...here we come!

2006-11-11T16:06:00.000-08:00

So we took the plunge. We enrolled Tristan into first grade this week. It was scary, sending my little guy off to a big new school, on the other side of the playground from the kindergarten class. We were reluctant and worried. Would this work? Would he behave, and be the wonderful kid we know he is? Would he obey and respect his new teachers? I worried about him all morning. Then at morning recess he came up to me with a big grin on his face and said, "Mom, I get to be student of the day, and mom I learned how to minus today, that means take away, and mom I made 5 new friends, and this is one of them, this is Alejandro, and mom I love it here, and mom thanks for bringing me to this new school. I love it here." It brought tears to my eyes, maybe at last Tristan will be truly happy here! I pray that the joy of learning and they good behavior continues, maybe this is indeed the answers to our prayers.

Friday Night Football

2006-11-11T15:37:00.000-08:00

I took the big kids to a football game on Friday night. It was in town, and the game was being played by 2 rival teams challenging each other for the "mayor's cup".
They had a long line to buy tickets, and when we got to the window, they told us the student discount only applied if you attended one of the 2 high schools that were playing in the game. I thought this was pretty ridiculous, since a student, is a student no matter what high school they went too. When we walked into the stadium, the marching bands were performing on the field, there was security guards, and probation officers walking the grounds, telling people to back up, and stay only on the sidewalk. The atmosphere was odd to me, everyone seemed very cautious and guarded. he highlight of the game came at halftime, when the cheerleaders performed. They were amazing! 20 girls working together to make standing, moving statues 3 girls high. They flipped each other, tossed each other in the air, and caught them. They were a uniformed, amazing group of young women, and their acrobatic skills blew me away! It was pretty incredible to watch.

Even though the marching bands were decent, and could walk in formation on the field, and the cheerleaders were amazing, and the field had better lights, with a pretty fancy scoreboard, it still made me miss the high school football games in the country. At EN everyone knows the person sitting next to them, if they don't at the beginning of the game, they do by the end. The crowd stands on the sidelines as close as possible to the field, cheering each play as it happens. The band is terrible, and small, but they have a lot of fun trying! At EN games the cheerleaders don't flip, toss, and twirl each other in the air, but they do tend to stay together when cheering, and they can all dance pretty well. At EN games, the younger kids play their own football game on the side of the track, and anyone can join in. There are no security guards riding around in golf carts, or probation officers carrying guns and wearing badges. The entire community comes out for the games, whether they have a student at the school or not, and the announcer at times is goofy, but that is what going to a EN football game is all about. Nothing fancy, just some high school football on a fall Friday night.

Halloween Carnivals

2006-10-28T22:27:00.000-07:00

We took our boys to two different Halloween carnivals this weekend. The first, was last night (Friday) and it was held at mine and Ethan's school. There was booths ran by each grade level, homemade corn dogs and tamales to eat, and a live DJ who was playing more dance music than festive Halloween music. Danny wondered out loud, where is Monster Mash? The boys had a great time, Ethan ran around with his new school friends, and Tristan tried his hand at every game, including the Fear Factor booth, where you had to reach into bowls blindfolded and feel various gooey and sticky items. He loved it. The highlight of the evening was the pie throwing booth, when the principal was sitting in the "hot seat" I enjoyed meeting the spouses and kids of my teacher friends, and Danny had a great conversation with one of our church members, whom I also teach with. During the evening, Danny said to me, I feel like I am in the twilight zone. Why I asked? Because, this is a big community event, and a year ago, this was an empty field, and no one lived here. True, I thought, but they are doing a great job a town of their own. On Saturday we took the boys to a carnival at Tristan's school. This was the first year they decided to have the event outside, and it was a great time. We saw many families that we knew, and the boys had a great time playing the games. It was a fun weekend! Hurray for Halloween!

Park Play Date

2006-10-09T18:54:00.000-07:00

On Saturday I took Ethan and Tristan to the park. We were supposed to be doing other things, but sometimes life changes, and you end up at a park on a sunny Saturday with your kids. Feeling tired and frustrated from a long week, and exhausting car ride to get to the park, I sat on a bench under some trees and prepared myself to watch the boys run and play. Shortly after they scrambled up the play structure, a little boy came up and asked if he could play with them. Sure, my boys say, and they immediately began helping the boy up the ladder to the slide, playing tag, and including him in their superhero game. The boys dad introduced himself to me, Hi, I'm Eric and this is my son Max. I am glad your boys are letting Max play with them. Well sure, I say. My boys do this all the time, I thought, they find new kids to play with everywhere, the park, the playhouse at Mc Donald's. Ethan and Tristan did a wonderful job with Max. Since he was just 3, they had to play a little less rough, but they did. The 3 boys had a great hour playing. I was impressed with Eric. He was very encouraging to Max, and played right along with him the whole time. Eric was really engaged in what Max was doing. How cool, I thought..I don't see many Dad's that interact with their young boys this way. It was neat to watch.

Towards the end of our time together in the park, Eric says to me. You know, your boys are wonderful. You have done a great job raising them. We have been to this park many times, and your boys are the first ones to say Yes to Max, when he asked to play. Most kids just look at him, and run off to do their own thing. I just wanted to thank you and your boys, it means a lot to Max. WOW I thought. What a wonderful thing to say. I guess maybe we have done alright. It was pure encouragement to me, after a week of meeting with teachers, and principals, and signing referrals from school. I have felt like a complete failure of a mom, like I am never going to get through this, that I have done something wrong. Thanks Eric, for your kind words, you have no idea what they meant to me. I hope we can meet at the park again soon!

PS...Tristan had a great day (finally) I hope it turns into a great week....

First Ironic Christian Church

2006-09-18T18:02:00.000-07:00

First Ironic Christian Church

I have just returned home from another spirit filled weekend at Mission Springs. Our speaker was the dynamic Susan Gonzales Dewey, who serves as the regional staff person for women's ministries in the Pacific Southwest Region. She lead us through 3 power filled and uplifting sessions. We came home knowing that we are indeed beloved children of God. We also know that we are loved and beautiful women of God. One small group exercise Susan lead us through was getting into small groups of 6 and listing 4-5 qualities that we would like to see in our "church" we had to name our church, and then send one person up front to be the spokeswoman. My group listed many positive qualities, but as each group shared we looked at our list, and saw that everyone was saying the same things over and over, we will be good listeners, open to everyone, loving and kind. Our group quickly reorganized our list, and came up with the following.

First Ironic Christian Church
1. We only talk to members
2. We have compassion for people just like us.
3. We never have communion
4. We judge each others potluck dishes.

Since I was the last women to share, I had the entire room laughing until tears were running down their cheeks. After the session, I had several ladies come up to me and say, Thank you for making us laugh, or I loved your list, that was so funny!
Then one saint of the church came up to me and said. "Sister, you should have called your church, The Church of Truth" This statement caused me to stop and think. Is this how my church is? I began questioning my fellow sisters, What do you think? Were the words I read really true?My heart was torn at the seams by the responses I was given.

"I have been hurt by more church people in my life, than by any other group I have belonged too."
"The church has made me bitter and angry."
"Church people are evil, spiteful and mean"
"I have experienced more discrimination in the church than from anywhere else."
"My husband told me not to bring myself or our children back through the doors of that church ever again. It is filled with dark spirited people."
"The church does not care about me or my children. My children are not welcome in worship, I have been told that they are too loud and disruptive, yet my church offers no nursery care or Sunday school. What I am supposed to do, leave worship every Sunday and teach them myself ? We might as well stay home."

People of God, Church family. Who are you? Do you not hear the cries of these women? We are a hurting church. We want to grow, yet we are so mean spirited that we can not take care of our own flocks. No wonder churches are shrinking. No wonder pastors are strained, heartbroken, overworked and overwhelmed. I CRY OUT! Oh Lord, feel my pain. STOP. Are you a cause of the strife? Do you gossip behind church members backs? Do you complain about the petty things? Like the brand of grape juice in the church pantry or the way the new deaconate member made the lemonade, or the color of the new carpet in the fellowship hall. Do you add to the strife with your with insensitive words, cold stares and stand offish body language? Church, brick by brick we are building a wall, one that is going to take years to chip away and remove.

Can you become a part of the solution? When was the last time you complimented your pastor, other then "Nice sermon today." When did you last volunteer to help in the nursery, Sunday school, or youth program. How about to clean the church, fold newsletters, visit a shut in? People CLAIM YOUR CHURCH. This is my church, not the pastors church. We have got to STOP tearing each other apart and instead build each other up! Would Jesus want to be a part of your next board or elders meeting, I know I wouldn't want him anywhere near ours! I pray that our church will soon become one filled with love and caring instead of one of strife and anger. I pray for a day when First Ironic Christian Church will not be the church of truth. I pray for a day when the church will really be one filled with the qualities from our original list. Full of joy and laughter, good listeners, compassionate, welcoming to all, and spirit filled.

Ginger Bradfield

Noisy Children not welcome here....

2006-09-10T12:44:00.000-07:00

Question of the day....

Will my church family ever re-hire a nursery attendant so I can sit through a WHOLE worship service? Every Sunday, the boys and I cross the street for church, sit together until after children's moment, and then we come home again. We don't stay in church, because some church members complain about the "noisy children" in worship, so having active and spirited young boys, I don't feel welcome. I am hoping, that by me doing this every Sunday, someone would think..hmm..Maybe we should hire someone again? So far, no luck. This Sunday, I got to hear the scripture read, Ethan did a great job, and I thought..What an interesting passage, I wonder what Danny is going to say about that one! Maybe someday, I can hear one of his sermons again. Maybe the boys and I will start going to church somewhere else where "noisy children" are welcome.

Testing Life

2006-09-10T12:22:00.000-07:00

This week, Tristan brought home his 4th referral since starting kindergarten. He is busy testing the rules and boundaries of his new school, and is giving his teacher a run for her money! Mostly, he is refusing to come in from recess, and is hiding under the slide. Although, Thursday's note home, took the cake. "Your son was caught peeing on a tree in front of the school today, during his recess." Yikes. Oh my goodness, I was so embarrassed! What on earth possessed Tristan to do such a thing! 2 days later I finally got an answer from him. He is scared of the bathroom in his classroom because the light does not work, the fan is noisy, and it too dark in there. I can't relax when I am in there mom, it is too scary. Well, he has a point, but I explained to him, the tree was not the best solution. Danny says we will save that one and read it to him on his high school graduation day. Ethan has come home from school everyday crying, because the kids in his class are so mean to him. Kids can be evil and break hearts so easily. I have many childhood memories of being the last one picked for any and all games, being the runt of everyone's jokes, and not having any friends. It breaks my heart to see Ethan having to go through the same struggles.

So..I decided not to focus on the craziness of all these notes home, and find 10 really cool things about my week.

1. Saydee is an amazing dog, and we are blessed to have found her.
2. I love being involved with youth, they have such a wonderful outlook on life.
3. Yesterday I had the privilege of watching a multi racial youth drumming group. They practice in an inner city church, what a cool ministry that church is providing for it's community.
4. An old friend from college since me great pictures of her son's first birthday, it reminded me of my own son's life celebrations.
5. Ethan is moving to the school where I work, and I am excited for him to have the chance to start over, and have an opportunity for a better classroom environment.
6. My kindergarten kids are amazing, wonderful young people who I have the privilege of teaching.
7. They are teaching me sign language.
8. Danny is the most wonderful husband in the world, I love him more everyday.
9. He cleaned my kitchen for me yesterday, and I came home from a youth meeting late last night, and it made me smile to walk into such a clean room!
10. Tristan is reading everything he can get his hands on!

The World According to Room 2.

2006-08-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

I have not written in a while...So I thought I should check in with you all. I know my dear friend Anita checks here often to see how I am! Well, my dad is back home with my mom, and has his medication regulated. They seem to be getting along for the most part, which is amazing, considering the state my dad was in a month ago. My dad is continuing intense counseling/therapy through the day program at the hospital. They are still planning on getting a divorce after 43 years of marriage, which is really hard for me to deal with right now.

I started my new job this week. My official title is para-educator in a CDC Kindergarten classroom. Which means, I am an assistant teacher in a county day classroom for special need kids. I was quite nervous about this job, I truly enjoy the company of the teacher I am working with, I loved helping get our classroom ready for the first day of school. I am enjoying getting to know the other teachers on campus...but the kids. I have never worked with special needs kids before..so this is a stretch for me..but it is an amazing, beautiful, crazy, confusing place to be. I love that the kids hold nothing back. If they want to laugh, they do. If they are angry, the show it. If they have to go to the bathroom, the whole world knows it. I love it when they smile, it lights up their whole face. Little things excite them, like glitter and stickers, and seeing their name written on a piece of paper. One little boy loves Christmas, and he talks about it all the time. Another little girls loves to shout her name before and after she does anything. L's Jacket. L's lunch! One boy loves to laugh and play blocks. Another loves to accomplish things, he makes me laugh. On the first day of school we made paper bag puppets, and he has wanted to make one everyday since. He has a cubby full of puppets. I see such joy, love and potential in these kids. They are amazing! I worry about what the rest of the world sees, do they just see their disability? That they may walk different or talk different? Do the other kids at school look at them weird because they come to school on a little bus? I hope they can learn to see what I see...an amazing kid, who just wants to learn like they do.

The Well is Dry

2006-07-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

This past week...

My baby turned 5, and we celebrated with a night of pizza and mini golf!
My oldest became a star and performed in his first play, Aladdin Jr. As the Magic Carpet. His costume became my pride and joy, worn by my amazing son.
Our foster son Chris arrived for a 3 week visit. Which is a joy, but also brings with it many challenges.
Spencer has gone ballistic on me several times this week with 2 arguments ending up in heated and regretted words.
My church is going through an amazing but very stressful process of questioning homosexuality in the church and where it fits in with this particular community of faith. People are angry, confused and frustrated.
I spent an evening with my dad, and 2 days later helped my mom place him in a phsycratric hospital. I am dealing with many emotions, anger, denial, sadness and confusion. I am questioning everything that was said and happened the evening I was with him and if I could have done something differently.
I just got off the phone from my daily conversation and check in with my mom, whom of course, is a wreck, and was reminded that now that my dad is "mentally incapable" I become my Grandmother's power of attorney, and I need to take over her monthly finances and care. She is currently in long term care at an alzheimers facility.
My mom is getting an attorney and is looking into securing her own finances, and is probably going to prepare for a divorce and permanent long term care for my dad, who is literally psychotic.
This is not a fictional novel gone bad. It is my life. I am tired, I am worn. The well is empty and I have nothing left to give.
Yet, I need to support my husband, who of course is struggling with his Ministry and call at the moment. I have to be happy and wonderful around my 2 very energetic boys, whom I love dearly, but some days try my patience. Ethan as you know, brings his own challenges to my life.
And next week I am supposed to go to church camp and counsel high school youth on the wonders of God's love and Grace. I don't think I can do it. The well is empty, I am dry.

Longing..

2006-06-22T15:48:00.000-07:00

Life Giver not you, it is I am
At first I felt timid and afraid
I have long since found your unending love
Now I long for your Peace
and Stability
Not you, it is I who has forgotten
Your ways
You are like a river that never runs dry
Help me to sail my vessel
through your cleansing waters
Help me to seek Your desires for my life
and not rely on my own understanding

The Eve before the Storm

2006-06-11T22:41:00.000-07:00

It is the eve before another year of Vacation Bible School. Every year I tell myself in the middle of May that there is no way I am going to put myself through THAT again. Is it worth the headache, stress and preparation it takes to put it on? Can we find enough helpers, funds, donations and supplies to make it work? Then everything comes together, as it always does, and I tell myself, maybe spending 5 hours at church today to get everything ready is worth it. Maybe staying up and baking 6 dozen cupcakes for snack tomorrow will be a blessing to someone. I believe VBS has already blessed some folks this week and the kids haven't even arrived yet. From the smile on Ellie's face, as she bounced with joy into the church this afternoon, very excited to set up her craft room. To the look of joy on Chris' face when she completed her preschool room. She just earned her teaching credential, and this will be her first "classroom". To the elderly woman in my church, who asked me today, "Will Chadder be here tomorrow? Can I come and watch?" Of course I answered, it wouldn't be bible school without Chadder! If bible school doesn't come in a tin can, and have Chadder, than it is just not bible school. (Thanks a million to Group Publishing..They know how to put together and amazing Vacation Bible School) To my sons, who loved helping today. Ethan made all kinds of signs, directing everyone to the small group stations. He and Tristan spent an hour decorating the front walk of the church with pictures and signs. Welcome to our Fiesta! So, when tomorrow morning rolls around, and I am running around frantic trying to find all the last minute props, items for games, and planning where to put all the kids who didn't pre-register, I may not feel all the time, stress, and frantic days were worth it. When I see the sanctuary full of kids signing, playing games on the church lawn, making crafts, and participating in bible drama, then I will say, yes God..This is worth it. It is worth it to see your kingdom in the children, it is worth it to see them come closer to you and yes I will probaly do this again next year..The kids always draw me back.

The Party

2006-05-31T13:14:00.000-07:00

We had the party on Sunday, in the front yard. It was a beautiful day, and it was just lovely sitting under the shade of our trees enjoying each others company. The kids played in the yard with bubbles and chalk, and they "explored" the grassy ground cover on the side of the house. The hummingbirds flew about, and Saydee sat at our feet. It was a great party for Tristan, he loved having all his family here, he even played a game of catch with 3 of his Aunts, I am not sure who had more fun, Tristan or them! Tristan loved his pinata and his presents, but I think most of all, he loved just having everyone here. Both his grandma's at one time! At first, I was disappointed that more people didn't come, we invited several other families, and none of them came, but then I realized it didn't matter. Tristan was having a blast, the weather was grand, and we just enjoyed each others company. I think this was the first party in a long time that I didn't stress or fret, I actually was able to sit and relax and enjoy my family. Praise God for the small miracles in life!

Our Saydee

2006-05-21T21:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we got a dog. She is a wonderful, amazing loving animal. Her name is Saydee, and she is just a gem. She loves belly rubs, playing tug of war, taking walks, and curling up on the couch next to you. At night, she crawls into bed with Ethan until he falls asleep. She follows us all over the house, and loves to ride in the car. We fell in love with her the moment we saw her! We adopted her from the Sutter Buttes canines, they rescue abandon dogs, and save them from the kill shelters. The moment Saydee stepped out of the van, I knew she was for us. We just connected, and the boys liked her right away too. She can sit, and shake her paw. It feels like she has just been with us forever, that she was just meant to be with us. We took her to church today, and showed her to our friends there..I am not sure what people thought, she is a very different looking dog, but to us, she is beautiful and we love her. Ethan is just so happy. He has wanted a dog for so long! This morning he woke up and said, will Saydee really be with us forever? Is she really ours? Do we have to send her back? Yes Ethan, I assured him, she is ours. We are her family now, and we all need to work together to take care of her. Ethan then wrote a story today about how we got her, it is just precious, I am going to send a copy to the folks we adopted her from. Tristan likes to brush her, and they love to chase Saydee in the back yard, and the best part is all of us laying on the floor watching movie, with Saydee in the middle. Welcome home girl!

Planting Flowers

2006-05-16T13:12:00.000-07:00

Tristan and I spent a good part of our morning planting flowers. I was tired of the front yard looking so plain, and overgrown with weeds. So yesterday while we were at Target we bought 2 flats of annuals, just some pretty flowers. I am not a gardner, nor do I plant much. I have no idea what type of flowers they are, if they grow best in sun or shade, I didn't even plant them in fancy soil or add any fertilizers. I just a dug a hole in the sandy, clay soil in front of my house and stuck them in. Tristan helped pull the flowers out of their packages, and place them in the hole. It was nice to be out their digging, hot, but it felt good to be adding something to our plain walkway in the front yard. I guess we are just leaving the flowers up to God, seeing if they will bloom where they are planted. We watered them and now we get to sit back and gaze at their wonderful bright colors. On Memorial Day weekend we are having a big party. Tristan is graduating from preschool and I thought it would be fun to have a party for him. We are probably going to pass on birthday parties this summer, so I thought this would be a fun thing to celebrate. I am overwhelmed by the disarray of our backyard. It is an overgrown mess of wood and weeds. There is an awful, ugly stump in the middle of the yard, where a glorious shade tree once stood. Since the tree is now gone, the yard is very sunny and very hot. I have been so worried about the yard, how on earth am I going to have time to get it ready by the party! Then this morning..I had a revelation! I am moving the party to the front yard, where the big pretty trees shade the yard and my flowers are blooming. The porch is now clean so there is even some room for some bike riding. I think it will be a great day!

Family Portrait

2006-03-30T22:18:00.000-08:00

Today was a better day. I got to play with the babies at work, they are so sweet. I had forgotten how wonderful it feels to hold a baby in your arms and watch him fall asleep. They are so precious and fun! Another joy at work today was getting to sit in the hallway with some of my teachers and look at the kids' artwork. The teachers are preparing big art murals to be displayed in our local mall. The month of April is the month of the young child, so every year all the local preschool's shower the mall with artwork! It is wonderful to look at all the creative projects on display. At my school the 4 year old teachers had the children draw a picture of their family, and then describe why my family is special. There was one child who took the time to draw his dad's moustache, and his little sister crying. Another added belly buttons to everyone's tummy's, and yet another child made sure everyone had fingers. One little boy got carried away, and his family looked like a bunch of centipedes, and that had me in stiches. It was just a joy to look at all these precious pictures! Tristan drew a picture as well. It was darling. He drew a house in the middle, with doors and windows, and a big person on each side of the house, which was labeled mom and dad. At the bottom of the picture, were 4 little people and Tristan had drawn himself in another color than the rest. At first, I couldn't figure out why there was 4 people at the bottom, so I asked his teacher about it. Oh, she said, don't you have 2 boys that spend a lot of time at your house? Yes, yes we do, I said with tears in my eyes. And so Tristan's picture of his family was labeled. Stephen, Spencer, Tristan and Ethan. When asked why his family was special, he replied. My family is special when we watch TV together and have family movie night. Indeed. This is one of my favorite times too, when all 6 of us are home, curled up on the couches, and on the floor, with lots of pillows, blankets and popcorn. Stephen even lets Tristan curl up next to him. (but don't tell, Stephen wouldn't want you to know that :0 )

The worst day..

2006-03-27T20:58:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess I should write again. It has been a while, and my friend Michelle tells me I need to write more. She is probably right. It is good therapy for me! Today was a horrible day. Did you ever have one of those days where nothing goes right? That was today for me. It reminded me of one of my favorite children's books Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good very bad day. I just wanted to crawl into bed and hide. Hide from the world, from my messy house, the 10 loads of laundry that need to be done, the floor that needed to be mopped, and the hour long argue/bribe session that was in store to get Ethan to do his homework. So that is just what I did. I crawled into bed, (underneath the 3 loads of laundry that were on the bed to be folded) and I slept. When I woke up, the world seemed a little better, Ethan was actually doing his homework, and for the moment Tristan and Ethan were not arguing. So, I decided to get some work done, of course the second I start, they start arguing, whining, yelling etc. So, I didn't get anything done, (again) I had been trying all day to get something, anything done! So I got frustrated, exasperated and overwhelmed, and I yelled and yelled and yelled. Which of course, was not the right thing to do..but I was and still am at my wits end. So, I went back to bed. A little while later, my boys came into the room with dinner for me. They had arranged on a plate a mini bagel, and some Ritz crackers, Tristan brought in a glass of water. Here mommy they said, we hope you feel better and we are sorry, which followed with hugs and kisses. Well, I thought..maybe today wasn't so bad after all.

Utopia

2006-02-24T23:20:00.000-08:00

I spent the weekend at camp with a bunch of high school kids, they are amazing, wonderful and incredible children of God. I am not sure who benefits more from camp, me or the high schoolers. I love watching them create a community in which they love one another, express their feelings, and just be with each other. I wish the world would and could be more like camp. I hope and pray that everyone that goes to camp takes a piece of that utopia with them, and tries to make it work in the real world. This past weekend, 2 of the kids that have been coming to our church camps for a long time, ventured out, and brought friends of theirs from school to camp. The kids at camp have always struggled with this, how do I let my school friends, come into my perfect world, my sacred space, and how do I be myself, and share this utopia with them. The camp kids have said many a time, I don't want to share camp with my friends, I don't want to let them into my space. BUT this weekend, they did. I was proud of them, they did an incredible job of being themselves, and allowing the old and new to mix. It was fabulous to see the new kids interact with our community, they of course were quickly embraced and loved as one of us. Camp is truly amazing. It is where I see God's love the most, it is truly a piece of heaven on earth.

A Valentines Letter

2006-02-08T15:41:00.000-08:00

In honor of Valentines Day, a letter to my husband.

Dear Danny,
Thank you for your constant support of me, even on the days when I seem unbearable to live with, which has been a lot lately. Thank you for helping out around the house, from cleaning, to laundry, to picking up. Thank you for putting up with the noises in the house when you are trying to write a sermon. Thank you for having dinner ready for me when I come home from work, and helping Ethan with his homework, which as you know is no small task. Thank you for looking at parenting and marriage as a team effort, that in order to make this household work, we must work together, or things fall apart. When my friends at work all complain about their husband's who are lazy, and unsupportive, I can proudly say, Danny isn't like that, he is amazing, and helps me so much. Thank you for allowing me to take my classes at the college, to further my career, even though that makes it harder for you once a week. Thank you for letting me go out once in a while with Michelle or Penny and letting me play Bunco. I know you struggle with not having a close guy friend here to spend time with, as your closest friends all live in LA, and I know you miss them. Thank you for supporting me in my ministry, letting me go to camp and work with the youth on RYC. I know you miss going to camp with our kids! Thank you for working 2 jobs so we can financially afford (well, most of the time) to live here, in the middle of nowhere, because you know how happy we are as a family here. Thank you for living here, close to my family, when I know at times you long to live in LA to be closer to yours. I know at times it is hard for you, especially when we have to miss all the little celebrations in life, like our nieces birthday's and seeing your Goddaughter iceskate a solo in her show. Thank you for all you do for me, I love you more than I can express in words. You are an amazing, wonderful husband and father and I don't know how I could ever live without you. Thank you for all the little things you do, they don't go unnoticed, I just need to be better at thanking you.

Longing for Peace..

2006-02-08T15:35:00.000-08:00

It has been a very hard couple of days around here. There has been much yelling, screaming, and anger. I am not sure how to bring the peace back, but I know we are in desperate need of it! My boys are so disobedient, they argue about every detail of their day, from the second they wake up, till the second they go to bed. Needless to say, I am one exhausted, worn out, frustrated mom! I wish I could just sprinkle fairy dust on the house, and wake up to obedient, compliant, thoughtful children. How on earth do other parents do that? I wish I had a wand, and a book of spells to make it all go away!

First Wedding

2006-02-04T21:30:00.000-08:00

We took our boys to their first wedding today. At 4 and 8 we decided they were old enough to go, and my friend assured me that it would be very family friendly, and that lots of the guest were also bringing their children. Danny and I indeed hesitated, but we decided to make a go of it. I was going to fill this blog with all of my frustrations and the things that went wrong. Like after spending 1/2 hour ironing the boys pants and shirts (while talking to my sister on the phone who was crying over a lost love) Tristan spills yogurt on his pants, and I didn't notice it until we got to the church. Or that when we got to the reception, Tristan put his finger in the wedding cake, before they had taken pictures. What I will tell you about is that while the boys were in the nursery during the wedding ceremony, Ethan spent all of time playing with the babies, and when I walked in, he was reading a book to the little 2 year old flower girl. I will tell you that at the reception Ethan was on his best behavior, and he spent his time playing games with Tristan, and made several trips to the salad bar to get some crackers to keep Tristan happy. I will tell you that the boys were fascinated with all of the "traditions" the bouquet toss, the garter toss, the first dance. Ethan wanted to know why they didn't cut the top of the cake, and what the honeymoon dance was. It was definitely exhausting chasing them around the reception, I barely was able to eat! It was at times frustrating and we almost threw in the towel and gave up...But in the end, I think it was worth it. The boys did have a good time, and I think so did we.

Love Bug

2006-01-30T20:16:00.000-08:00

Stephen is in love. He is 16 and this is his first time. He is so funny, he smiles all the time, and is very happy. They talk on the phone for hours on end, and fall asleep every night talking to each other. They email and send pictures. He is convinced that this girl is the love of his life, and he is going to marry her someday and be the father of her babies. He marked it in his cell phone the other day his 2 week anniversary and even wrote it on our family wall calendar. I tease him and call him loverboy. I also tell him that he is indeed twitterpated and has been bitten by the love bug. He just smiles and saunters away, grinning from ear to ear. I grin inside, and chuckle to myself. It reminds me of a simpler time in my life. When all my worries were so superficial, like who I was going to take to the girls asks boys dance, or what movie my friends and I were going to see that weekend. Now I worry about the stress that comes with my job, raising a special needs son, money, nurturing my marriage, and of course the somedays. Someday I am going to loose my extra weight. Someday I am going to go work out again, someday I will stop yelling at Ethan. Someday I will make more time for myself. Someday I am going to start scrapbooking again and make the curtains for my boys bedrooms. Maybe someday. Ah to be a youth again!

Tristan's Sermon

2006-01-15T21:34:00.000-08:00

This Sunday morning began as a typical one, me wishing I could just sit at home, curl up on the couch with my coffee and read the paper from beginning to end in complete peace and silence. It was instead one of chaos and my usual broken record statement that I say at least 5 times every morning. Shoes, socks, teeth, hair out the door in ten minutes. I have been sick this week, and I am slowly losing my voice, so the broken record montage was a little raspy. Being a Sunday morning, it was indeed the time to walk across the street for church. The boys of course, were very reluctant to go, as they knew that dad was gone, and if dad wasn't going to church, then why did we have to go. (Dad is gone this weekend at our church's junior high school winter camp.) I told them that it was still important to go to learn about and worship God, and that our friend Allison was preaching today, and we needed to support her. (Allison is one of our youth, she is 17 and a senior in high school and Danny invited her to preach today in his absence)

During the children's moment, my boys went to the front of the church for their story time. (in their stocking feet of course) This week, Jan one of our church members had prepared the lesson, she is a third grade teacher and always does a great job. Today, she had made some "cootie catchers" those paper puzzles that look like little mouths, where you pick the number and you count off 1..2..3..4, and lift up the door to read the message. Underneath each number she had written a bible verse, and she told the boys that this was a fun way to remind us that God has a wonderful message for us in the bible. Jan lifted her number and read the verse, and invited Ethan to do the same. When she had Tristan open his door, she started to read the verse for him, but Tristan interjected and read the verse perfectly, clear as bell. Well, the entire congregation gasped in surprise and wonder that Tristan could read. They were all grinning from ear to ear, and Jan was just beaming at this new revelation. This is a miracle she says, I have goosebumps! Tristan of course was beaming with joy, and he exclaims, I want to read all my numbers!

Allison did indeed preach a wonderful sermon, she played for us the opening song from Rent, and she spoke about how in that song, the characters are measuring their lives in many ways, time, sunsets, coffee. She spoke about how stressful life can be, but if we only would give God a chance, our lives could be a little easier. A simple message, done from the heart, yet very profound. After church everyone complimented Allison on her wonderful sermon, and they told me with smiles on their faces, how wonderful it was that Tristan could read. I responded, it was wonderful to see all of your faces this morning, filled with joy for him. I told one lady after church, I can't wait to tell Danny what a wonderful sermon his son preached this morning. Well, she said, he sure did, it was a wonderful surprise.

That my friends, is the joy of church, the congregation embracing my sons accomplishments, loving one of our youth through her first sermon, and sharing a simple meal of the bread and cup together. It was indeed a wonderful Sunday, even if I didn't get my time of peace on the couch, with my coffee and the paper.

Pie, Pork and Sweet Bread

2005-12-30T13:59:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago Ethan came home from school and said that they were talking about traditions in his third grade class. They were reading a short story from Mexico, and his teacher suggested that the kids bring in a picture or a story about their family traditions at Christmas. We don't have any traditions at Christmas I told him. I think we do things that everyone does. Doesn't everyone have an advent calendar? Doesn't everyone decorate a tree, put lights on the house, send Christmas cards? I couldn't think of a tradition that we had a Christmas that was special or different.

This year for Christmas Eve dinner, (my extended family always has Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve) my Aunt put together a recipe book that included all the food that we ALWAYS have for dinner. I mean, these are the foods that just define Christmas dinner for us. My mom's yams, my uncle Ron's salad, my Aunt's candies and my Grandma's pies and roast. It was very sweet on my Aunt's part to put together the little books, each one was made my hand, scrapbook style, and had a picture of my grandma from the 40's in the front, and from the 90's in the back.

After dinner and presents, we have Portuguese pork and sweet bread. This tradition comes from my mom's childhood, when you were not allowed to eat until after midnight mass. Now, we eat it with our plates of apple pie. Ethan came into the kitchen while everyone was putting the pie, pork, and bread onto their plates. What is this? He says, holding up a piece of bread. That's Portuguese sweet bread I said, try it, you will like it. He took a timid, small bite, and then grinned from ear to ear, I like it, he says, and he proceeds to eat the whole piece. Do you think Edgar would like this mom? He speaks Portuguese. I don't know Ethan, I said, he might. (Edgar is from Brazil, and lived with us an exchange student for a year, when Ethan was 4) As Ethan walked away, and I looked around my Aunt's kitchen, with all my relatives munching on pork and pie, I thought I guess we do have Christmas traditions. I can't imagine a Christmas eve dinner without pie and pork! I was happy to share that moment with Ethan, to let him in on our families traditions, I hope some day he can share a plate of apple pie, pork and sweet bread with his son, to carry on the family tradition, of Christmas eve dinner.

Snowglobes and Baby Jesus

2005-12-01T21:21:00.000-08:00

Advent is upon us. It is the season for getting ready for Christmas. Everywhere I look people are getting ready. The "in" decor of the season seems to be these giant snowglobe decorations that you put on your lawn. It runs by motor, and the fake snow blows about inside a giant plastic snowglobe. At the bottom sits some sort of Christmas person, Santa, elf, penguin etc. This morning, on my radio talk show that I often listen too, they were discussing the woes of this snow globe, it seems the dj's had both bought one for their families, and mistakenly left them out in the rain, and..low and behold! The motor doesn't work in the rain. The snow globes now sit deflated on their lawns. The dj's had dedicated listeners call in and give advice on how to fix their snow globes. One lady called in and said, I spent 6 hours yesterday drying mine out with a hair dryer. 6 hours, the dj's said, do you have a life? (They asked her) Yes, I do she said, it wasn't 6 hours all at once, just through out the day. I can think of a dozen of other things I could do with 6 hours of my day! I mean really, 6 hours to dry out a giant snowglobe that sits on your lawn! Imagine if the everyone spent 6 hours a day in prayer, or 6 hours a day in helping others. 0r 6 hours taking a nap, what happier people we would be! Or six hours not working and just being with our families. What a different world we would live in!

At my work, we also decorated for Christmas. We have a small fake tree in the lobby, and each person on our staff has a stocking hung with their name on it. We have garlands hung, and a small nativity scene on our front counter. The teachers and I were busy getting ready the other day, and as we placed out the nativity scene, the manger was missing. There was no baby Jesus. This of course was a dilemma. I needed to leave the lobby and relieve a teacher for her lunch break, so I left the others at their task of making the front area of our preschool bright and cheery for Christmas. On my return, 30 min. later, the teachers said, Ginger we have to show the nativity, come look. And there in place of the baby Jesus, sat a pear ornament. I laughed, and shook my head and said, we have to find the baby Jesus you guys, a pear will just not do. They all roared with laughter at my reaction, one teacher said, Well, they were all facing the middle looking at something, and there was nothing there. So, there it is, a pear is the best we can do. Another teacher suggested putting up a sign that said, missing baby Jesus. Missing baby Jesus indeed. Is baby Jesus missing this holiday season, where is the baby Jesus? At the bottom of the deflated snow globe perhaps? In the must have it now aisle of the store? Where is the simple message of baby Jesus? My hope for you this season is that you find him, and that baby Jesus will not be missing in your heart this season.
P.S. We found our baby Jesus today, he was at the bottom of our ornament box, he is now on display with the rest of the Nativity scene, proudly sleeping in the middle of Joseph and Mary.

Closed Chapter

2005-11-17T23:13:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday another chapter in our lives closed. We put Chris on an airplane to his new life in New Mexico. It was indeed a teary and emotional goodbye, I of course, going to the airport with 6 boys was the only one crying openly in the middle of the airport. It was very hard for me to let go and let God. I really wanted to yell wait, don't go! But I couldn't. The state told me I had to do it, but my heart said no. It is hard to allow someone be a part of your family for 4 months, then one day say, goodbye..We love you, and care for you, but we are not the best thing for you. That is hard. It is hard to pray to God for an answer, for God to show you what is best for someone, and for God to say, you are not the best, I have bigger and better plans than you can see, and I need you to let go, so I can fulfill them. That is hard.

Chris is doing well there. He is having trouble finding his way around his new school, and gets lost often. This is bound to happen, since the population of his new high school (1900) is double that of the entire population of the town we live in (780). He has made the basketball team, has a new computer, and a new bed. Complete with a feather bed and down comforter. He has a crush on a girl name Jaime in is English class, and is making friends. He is adjusting to his new life.

I am slowly letting go, and letting God. I still cry at times when I think of him not being here. That I am no longer the daily mom in his life, the one who has to stir him out of bed in the morning, and remind him to wash his football uniform. The one who runs down to the high school to drop off his gym clothes because he forgot them, or the one he says good night, I love you too. Even though this is not to be, I know that God had an amazing life planned for Chris and I am glad I got to be part of it, if even just for a small piece in time.

Miracle Day

2005-11-07T06:53:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we had Miracle Day at our church. It was a regional church event, that over 480 people participate in at 3 different church sites. The goal of the day was to renovate and restore the 3 churches, all in one day. We scraped, painted, weeded, carted, washed, and fixed the church. We cooked and feed 127 at my church. It was a glorious day, one church member that was there said it looks like a hive of bees, buzzing about the church! Yes, it was a glorious day to see our church get a face life on one day! One youth from our church fondly called it "Pimp my Church Day" and indeed it was.
The other Miracles that occurred happened with in the people that we here working. The 3 "non church" men that came with a church member from Sacramento, they were the hardest workers I saw all day, and they were happy about it. The man I called "Mr. Weed whacker" he weeded for at least 2 hours straight, maybe more. The family of 3 (a father and his 2 daughters, who worked diligently on our church sign all day. It looks amazing! They even stayed after our closing worship, because they weren't quite finished and wanted to get it done! Watching people, including several enthusiastic children, take plates of food to the train conductor. Our church sits next to a very busy railroad line, and the train had broken down just behind the church. One of the men who was working with us that day was a train fanatic, and he took the children to take lunch to the train. What a blessing a hot meal was to the train conductor, who was stuck on the tracks in the middle of no where!
I was blessed by the one lady that decided to clean our little church kitchen, she scrubbed the stoves, sinks and even the coffee pots! She was so happy to be there. Thank you Mary!
The 2 families that came all the way from the furthest church in our region, Sparks, Nevada. The too, left with huge smiles on their faces, they even came back on Sunday, and joined us in worship! The looks on the the "old timers" faces on Sunday morning. These are the church members that have been here their whole lives, that have given their hearts and souls to our little rural church. They had tears in their eyes, and grins on their faces as they saw the bright new colors on "their" church walls. The youth that I know from summer church camp that came, and seeing them paint the walls in our new youth room! Watching my good friends Carl and Shannon paint our church bell. My mom, who was here helping me with my boys, seeing church in a whole new light. These were the true Miracles of the day, the miracles that occurred in the people that were present.

Chris..

2005-11-07T06:33:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in my blog for awhile..I tried several times to write about my feelings surrounding Chris' leaving..And they just never came out right. I am not happy about this, to say the least. I am very angry. There are things that make no sense to me, like the state allowing a mother who refuses to work, lives off of her children's subsidy checks, and lives in a tiny camping trailer with her 4 kids, and a 6th one on the way. (it would be 5 kids, if you counted Chris) to have custody, over Danny and I. It makes me angry that a mother can make decisions like..I know you have lived in a town of 780 people your whole life, gone to the same school with the kids in your high school since kindergarten, and your high school is your life and comfort zone. I know there are only 60 kids in your entire graduating class. I think it is best, in the middle of your sophomore year, to move to a huge city, and attend a high school with 1900 kids. I know you don't really know anyone, and that your entire life you have been in foster care and shuffled around, and that your self confidence isn't your strongest attribute, but this is the right thing for you.

The wrong thing for you would to be stay with a loving family, in a wonderful home. With a mom and dad who are trying to raise you the best they can, and nurture you with God's love and Christian values. It is best to take you away from your life long friends, the sports teams that you love, and the coaches that you have built a relationship with, and that you trust. It is best to remove you completely from your family, including an older brother that you enjoy spending time with, and is a positive influence in your life. The state child protective service makes all the sense in the world..Don't you think?

What I think is that Chris' adopted mom is the most selfish, immature creature on the planet. She is not doing this in Chris' best interest, she is doing it for herself. She just doesn't want to chance running into him anywhere, so she is sending him away. What a wonderful mom. The only positive point in all of this, is that Chris' new guardian wants us to be involved with Chris, he wants us calling and sending emails. He wants Chris to come visit on all school holidays, and that is a blessing. I guess you could say that we all have"joint custody" and that is a good thing. The rest is pretty darn crappy.

Firsts

2005-10-17T21:40:00.000-07:00

Tristan had some wonderful "firsts" this past week. He had his first cone of cotton candy. I hadn't realized that he had never tried it, or seen it for that matter. We were at a birthday party on Saturday, and the birthday girls parents had rented a machine to create the fluffy sweet stuff. Tristan watched in amazement as the machine swirled and spun around, and create the blue puffy sweet treat. I handed him the cone, and he looked at me like "What now?" You eat it, I said, it tastes sweet like candy. So he gingerly pulled piece off, and tasted it. Then, his eyes got very wide, he grinned and took another big bite. I like it, he said. Me too buddy.

Tristan also lit the candles in church on Sunday. They were looking for someone to light them, our church is very informal, we just grab any kid that wants to light the candles walk to the front carrying the long brass lighter, and light the 2 candles on our alter. Tristan said, I can do it. I wasn't quite sure if he was ready, but one of the church elders prepared the lighter for him, and down the aisle he went, bare feet and all. He did it too, all by himself. And the light didn't even go out! I was so proud, everyone in church was too, I think everyone in church was beaming with pride along with me, as Tristan proudly accomplished his task. He was beaming with joy and grinning from ear to ear.

2005-10-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

Ten Things I Have learned this week.

1. 16 year olds are the most selfish beings on the planet. It's all about me is the statement they live by. It is their creed and motto.

2. Magic Shows are completely dumb for adults, but seeing my 2 youngest boys laugh out loud with glee was worth every moment of it.

3. Hay rides should not be done in shorts, the hay itches

4. White pumpkins are rare, but worth a walk through a pumpkin patch on a clear autumn day to find the perfect one.

5. Apple Cider slushes rock. So does Pumpkin Ale from Trader Joes.

6. I need more girlfriends in my life, I realized that 75% of my social time is spent with teenage boys.

7. Bedtime in my house is a true nightmare. I say "good night boys" on an average of 20 times a night. I am not sure what is more frustrating...Getting ready for school or going to bed. It is a true miracle and act of God my family gets through both these routines on a daily basis. Parting the Red Sea and getting the Israelites onto dry land was a piece of cake compared to this.

8. Some of the teachers I work with are no more mature than the students the teach, no wonder there are somedays when I am ready to quit! (I work in a preschool)

9. A deck is another term for a skateboard. (just the board part, the wheels and bearings are both separate items, and their are many different kinds and qualities of these)

10. Frozen pizza's, cup of noodles, and captain crunch cereal are teenage boy staple foods. Having them on hand for 2 am "I am starving is there anything in the house?" Is a good thing.

Morning Chaos

2005-09-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

Trying to get 5 boys ready for school and out the door every school morning is quite a miracle. This morning my dear husband had to substitute teach at the high school, and decided at 8:00 that he was ready. Chris was still in the shower, Stephen was on the computer and Ethan was looking for socks. Spencer needed me to braid his hair, and Tristan, my youngest had just woken up (I am off on Friday's so that is our "stay home" day). Ethan also needed his lunch made, and couldn't find his backpack. I tried to convince Danny to let me take him up to the high school and come back, but he wouldn't have it. So I let him to take the only car.

Despite my constant warnings of time to go, the bus is coming, etc. Chris and Stephen of course, missed the bus. They also realized that Stephen's shoes and Chris' phone were still in the van. Spencer was now on the phone, Tristan was wanting breakfast, and Ethan was frantic that he was going to miss the bus to his school, and wanted me to wait outside with him right now. Chris couldn't find his backpack and he was trying to put together his football gear bag for his game today. He also needed his tie tyed, and of course, Danny had already left. It was pure morning chaos. As Spencer and Ethan stepped onto the school bus, Chris and Stephen were skateboarding down the street, on their way to school. One was wearing the backpack, the other the football gear bag. I told them, maybe someone will take pity on you both and offer you a ride to school! I am sure, some friend of their drove by and stopped to pick them up. John, our bus driver (who has driven the school bus here for 20+ years) said, hey that's a great way to travel, no gas! I said, they missed the bus! He smiled and drove off..Another school morning survied. I am glad it is Friday!